Thursday, November 11, 2010

dizzy dizzy bright and busy

In some sense, right now, I am well and royally fucked. I get paid once a month and this past check was spent making up debts from my months of unemployment. Plus spent drinking a bit too much. So now, I have about $120 to last me until November 30th and I still have 3 bills due. I'm hoping for a bit of birthday money to tide me over and I'm going to break out a fancy new credit card to toss some debt around until I get my tax refund in January and I can pay everything off. Financial responsibility, ya'll.

What this means right now is that I am on none of my medication. No birth control, no Byetta, no Metformin, no Spironolactone. Complicating this is the fact that the prescriptions on the metformin and the spironolactone have run out, meaning I need to go see a doctor again. And when I go see a doctor, they're going to want to run bloodwork to see what's going on and I'm willing to bet they'll want to run a glucose test.  In short, this will be expensive. So, I'm not sure what to do here. I'm looking at different doctors I can see and there's a possibility that I can have the bloodwork drawn and run at my old job (where it would be free), but that would mean driving to Baton Rouge. I'm worrying a lot about this, because not being on my medication is having some really noticible effects. My skin is flaking and breaking out (this is not just due to colder weather. My skin has never done this before.), which is very sexy, as you might imagine. When I eat any sugar, I feel awful. It literally hurts. My co workers bought me a birthday cake today and I had one small piece. I've spent the hour and a half since, shivering, aching and blinking to try and erase the bluriness. I don't know how to describe your blood hurting but that's what it feels like. It burns and aches deep in my veins. This, in turn, makes me incredibly anxious. I'm a fucking bag of laughs to be around right now. A few weeks ago, I went out drinking with J and I had 2 whiskey sours on an empty stomach. 20 minutes later, I very nearly passed out at the bar. Even when I DO eat right (and I'm trying very hard to do that), I still feel awful. I've been sleeping a lot lately and I'm still constantly exhausted and sick feeling. Coffee almost makes it worse. So I've been taking vitamins and drinking tons of water. It's the best I can do right now.

So anyway, I don't know what I'm going to do right now. I've started drawing up a budget, a vert strict budget and I HAVE to make myself stick to it. I've budgeted the cost of the medications after insurance (which won't be accurate soon anyway, FUCK.) and if I can't get them filled again, I'll throw that money into savings (no money is currently budgeted for savings. I have to pay shit off first.). Christmas gifts are probably not happening this year, except maybe the parents, and even then they're going to be cheap. I might just bake for everyone. That depresses me though, because I really enjoy giving gifts to people. I'd had this whole plan to make preserves for people and give them out but, as cheap as that might be, I don't think it's in the budget.

Even with all that though, life isn't terrible. My mom is taking me to dinner for my birthday (which is Saturday). Christie is coming to visit for the weekend and we're going to write and walk and drink wine (great idea, right?) and I might make some chana masala and roasted cauliflower because I have the ingredients and it is cheap and delicious. I was invited to a party on Sunday by a classmate (the same one who offered to let me shower at her place when my hot water went out) and she's coming over, with another classmate, on Tuesday to hang out, so I'm excited about that. Genuinely excited because both of them are people I've wanted to get to know better for most of the semester. Also because, hey ma! I done made some friends in this here big city! I'm writing, both publically for goodnola and privately. As in poems. As in, wow, I have written nothing new in almost two years but this is happening. I don't have much time between school and work and homework, but, despite everything, things are good. I just hope I don't pass out.

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