Tuesday, October 25, 2011

what they're worth

"I don't care who they are; there's nothing in the world more important than human beings. And you learn about those people. You take some things that you can use, and then things you think you can't use or your mother wouldn't allow you to use, you don't take. And that's how you grow and that's how things should be with people's lives. That's what I'm trying to tell young people today. They're moving and they're moving good, and I'm proud of those who can move. But are you stopping to help somebody else? Are you stopping to see how you can make another person feel his worth?"
-Leah Chase, interview with The Southern Gumbo Trail

(really, I could have copy/pasted most of the interview and I definitely think it's worth a read.)

Monday, October 24, 2011

shame

I was painting my nails (this color) and it reminded me of a time with the abusive ex.

I must have been about 19, so he would have been 25. We were in the Quarter and browsing a little gothy shop. We went to check out and I picked up a bottle of burgundy nail polish that was in a basket on the counter. He grabbed it from me and said, "That'll look good for when you have your hand wrapped around my dick" as he handed it to the salesguy with a wink.

I still remember how hard I cringed, how embarrassed I was, how fucking ashamed I was. The guy gave me this incredulous look and all I could do was look at the floor.

I think about that moment from time to time when I paint my nails to get dolled up. I stopped wearing "sexy" colors for awhile after that, started to wear matte blacks and grays and greens. Any time I do a conventionally sexy color, I think about that piece of shit and I still feel ashamed, just a little bit. I really hate to say I hate people but I'm as close as I can be to hate with him.

And for the record, I never wore that fucking polish for him or anyone. When Ravi and I were moving out, I found it in my basket of polishes and summarily threw it in the trash.

feeling like a half-rate stripper

I am actually wearing lingerie under my clothes right now. This feels...cheesy. But kind of hot. But mostly cheesy. Maybe not so much after some wine and when I'm not alone.

(my sexy room isn't helping matters much.)

Sunday, October 23, 2011

dress out

fun party :)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"and its just light enough to see"

This weekend wasn't really super exciting, but it was good enough that I wanted to write it down for the memories.

On Friday, I went out to karaoke with some lady friends. They'd never done karaoke, so everyone was a little shy at first, but by the time the night ended, we were all standing on a couch, shouting Britney Spears, like we were in some shitty rom com. Girl power! (it was awesome.) Afterwards, Alyson and I drove out to River Ridge to pick up Richie's paycheck from his mom and hang out with her for a bit. I got Richie from work, then went to bed while he and Matt partied.

The next morning, I woke up to bring Marla to the vet and found both the boys passed out in the living room, my front door open, an empty bottle of Maker's on the coffee table and a guitar laying on the floor. Neither guy was responsive, so I herded Marla into her kennel and brought her to the vet. Afterwards, I picked up guava pastries from the patisserie for everyone and headed home. I was finally able to drag Richie off the couch and we ate pastry in bed and talked for a few hours until he was sober enough to be out and about. We went to Z'otz and he bought us some coffee. We sat outside and walked around Oak St. for a bit before going thrifting for Halloween stuff. I was digging for something to cut up for my voodoo doll costume and he pulls out this beautiful brown linen dress. It has a very 70's cut and is in wonderful condition. Also, $10. We got gas station fried chicken afterwards and went back home.

This next part may be kind of TMI but it's part of the story and also funny, so bear with me. When we got home, we had some rather intense relations, so much so that when I stood up, the room started spinning and I fell back onto the bed. Richie made some joke about fucking my equilibrium up and we laughed and took a nap.

A couple of hours later, we got up to go to the BBQ and Blues festival. As I was driving there, with Richie and Matt, I started feeling really nauseated and hot. My vision started tunneling. But we were also late, so I started stressing out about finding parking. Richie kept telling me to pull over, but I was intent on finding parking. We finally did and as we were walking to the festival, I started getting dizzy again. I made a comment about feeling like I had vertigo and Richie said, "Sweetie, you need real food. I think it's your blood sugar."

We got to the festival, I ate a poboy, drank a beer and felt better. We danced to Kenny Wayne Shepherd and, at one point, Richie picked me up around the waist and held me in the air. This woman behind him fist-pumped and yelled, "YEAH!" It was kind of a country moment.

Afterwards, we went to Avenue Pub. The guys played pool while I hung out at the jukebox and drank beer. Eventually, Alyson showed up. Janis Joplin's "Try (Just a Little Bit Harder)" came on and I was singing along. Richie commented on it and I said, "If I get really shitfaced, I do an amazing 'Piece of My Heart.'" A little while longer and not nearly enough alcohol later, Richie starts grinning at me as "Piece of My Heart" came on. We started singing it together and generally acting like fools. Afterward, CCR's "Travelin' Band" came on and Richie was positively screaming the lyrics and dancing with me while I buried my head in his shoulder and laughed. He picked me up again and swung me around, to the amusement of other bar patrons and then put me down and said, "I beat you. I'm crazier." 

In the midst of all this, I started to feel sick again. I'd only had two beers, so it wasn't a drunk thing. Alyson accompanied me to the bathroom to puke a few times, but I wasn't to the point where I needed to leave. I just chatted, drank, puked, sang, danced, puked, etc. But things gradually got worse. Richie and Matt were playing pool with these two really weird guys and trying to hurry up and finish because I'd told Richie I was ready to leave. I went to the bathroom to puke again and a girl was standing in there crying. She was looking at her phone and wailing, "WHY DOESN'T HE LOVE ME?" Of course, I felt a little awkward purging, so I walked back out and told Richie I was really really ready to go and that I needed to throw up. Alyson asked what was wrong and I told both of them about the girl. Before I know it, Richie has walked over to the bathroom and cracked it. I looked at Alyson and asked, "Is he really doing this?" Alyson said, "Is that her?" I looked up and the girl walked past. Richie came back and said, "I opened the door and said, 'Excuse me. I know you're upset, but my girlfriend is really sick--not drunk, just sick--and she needs to throw up. I don't want to be an asshole, but could you please step out?" The girl replied, 'IT'S OKAY, YOU ARE AND SO IS HE."

I wasn't able to drive home but, problematically, Richie doesn't have a license and Matt can't drive a stick shift (which is what I'm driving in lieu of my broken car at the moment). I kept trying to say I'd drive, but Richie and Alyson both firmly told me there was no fucking way that was happening (I was leaning on Richie to stay upright by this point). We decided Richie would drive and Alyson would tail us closely. Unfortunately, while in the bar, it had gotten foggy outside. The truck does not have working windshield wipers or a defroster. So Richie is wildly swerving because he can't see out of the windshield and I'm screaming that he's about to hit cars and he's screaming at me to stop screaming at him while Matt is patting my leg and telling me it'll be okay. I spent much of the rest of the drive with my hands over my eyes. I removed them at one point, only to start flailing my hands helplessly, saying, "ohmygodohmygod" while Matt put his arm around me. I calmed down when we got closer to home and we finished out the drive singing "Don't Stop Believin'." I walked in, promptly threw up everything left in my stomach and went to bed.

The next morning, Richie and I woke up early and went to brunch at The Ruby Slipper. On the way home, we stopped so he could look at a potential apartment. It seems pretty perfect, so here's hoping. He went to work after, along with Matt. As much as I enjoy having them there, it was really really nice to have my house to myself again for awhile. I cleaned, made pizza dough, did some sewing and listened to music.

So, all in all, I didn't get anything done that I NEEDED to get done, but I got to destress, which was pretty valuable. Though I may need more of that, since I woke up screaming in the middle of the night last night from a nightmare and cried while watching a video of kittens meowing earlier. All in good time.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I must become/a lion-hearted girl

Current song obsession:
(I'm not using the actual video because the song is abridged and the video is stupid...I'm pretty sure it's about people doing the Macarena  at a Ren Faire.)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

quarter life crisis (and other dumb catch phrases that are sometimes embarrassingly accurate)

me: my doctor fussed at me today
telling me that I was staying sick like this because I was taking on too much
but I mean...:/
don't have much of a choice
Eric: and he was correct in that fussing
me: she
and I know
but I have a GRE to take, a thesis to write
Eric: whatever
everybody knows that all doctors are male
me: ahhahahaa
right
I'll call you when I get that ph.d
if I don't get into a program after this shit, I'm running away
gonna go live in a field and get high 24/7
Eric:i was about to say you gotta get accepted first
me: actually, I'm full of shit
yeah
I'd probably just stay here and try to find a job I like more
and rethink my entire life. which may not be the worst idea
Eric: im pretty sure that you're going to be accepted to a good program
me:I don't know
people keep saying that
but the thing is...look, I know I'm smart. my professors know I'm smart
I know my subject. but on paper, I don't look that great
Eric: how so?
me: 2.9 undergrad gpa. 3.0 in my last 60 hours. 3.6 in english classes. a masters in a program that a lot of people don't respect and a 3.9 in that, with my only B+ being in an english class.
a probably 1100ish on the GRE
I look solidly average on paper.
even though my professors fucking love me. to the point where I've had them ask me to take their classes
my thesis won't be defended by the time I apply, so I'll be able to say I'm writing it but I don't have it as an example
Eric: nobody expects a masters level thesis in the application for a masters or phd program
my indiana conversation told me that the ideal writing example (of course not for an english related field) was 10 pages long
and that is exactly how long my writing example is!
me: mine is 20
I know no one expects a thesis
I just want to have something that puts me head and shoulders above
Eric: yeah I know that feeling
thus my desire to improve my GRE score
me: yeah
I don't want to take that fucking test again
unless I absolutely have to
Eric: it just sucks that the GRE is the smallest part of my application and but what will take the most time and effort
me: yup
same here. I was reading something where this professor at columbia said he barely looks at GRE scores
and I was like *headdesk*
it pisses me off so fucking badly that LSU wants this stupid english GRE
because the questions are motherfucking useless
Eric:is that the only school your doing the English GRE for?
me: well. yes and no.
in my top 5 list of schools, they are the only one that requires it. so in that sense, yes
but, stanford also requires it and I might apply there just for fun. since I'm already taking it
and another professor, one from LSU, told me that it certainly wouldn't hurt me to submit those scores to other programs if I did okay
Eric: word.
me:I don't know. I'm still questioning this whole fucking decision
a big part of me feels like I'm doing this out of some sense of inertia
like, it's just the next logical going forward step
at least a small part of it is because my parents really want me to do it
a part of it is that I've put in this much time and I want that fucking degree
Eric: yeah I know what you're saying
me: yeah
but, you know, there's this other part of me that realizes how happy I am when I'm learning and pushing myself
I want to do that research and learn and write and do something useful but sometimes I have trouble reconciling the idea that my degree might be useful
to anyone except me
Eric: yeah
me: sorry. didn't mean to go all existential conflict on you
Eric: well i have the same issue
i could go through get a phd in a tiny and shrinking field
or just do the other idea and try to start a private music school in new orleans
me: right
yeah, I mean part of the reason I talk to you about this is because we're in a similar boat
Eric: yeah
i think its worth it to try
if we get into good programs then do it
if not fuck it
me: yeah
you're right
I just keep doing that whole "the money. I like this city. oh look, a boyfriend" thing
Eric: well boyfriend should be the last thing you think of
and shouldn't even be a part of the thought process
me: oh it is
believe me
it is something I isolate to the periphery
I just think, in a larger sense, am I making sacrifices that I will regret in the long run?
will I regret giving up a potentially good relationship? will I regret that 5 years of my life? etc.
Eric: yes but if you don't make the sacrifices you'll regret something that could lead to something even bigger
me: when it was Ravi and me, I was very certain about what I wanted to do. I was sad, but I didn't experience much regret and what regret there was was tempered with that certainty
that is...not present here
Eric: its definitely worth the attempt
me:yeah
that is the stronger pull. I KNOW I'd regret if I didn't apply.

Eric: unrelated funny story. i went to the story last night to buy batteries. Left with $20 of beer.

Monday, October 10, 2011

yin yang

Good: Radio Bar visit on Friday
Bad: Horrible sinus infection= no sleep
Good: Chinese buffet, mailing a birthday present
Bad: Stuck in tailgating traffic, Richie screaming at a cop, having a miserable headache from sinus issues and lack of sleep
Good: Nap in Christie's bed, party with friends, Fleur de Lis pizza, lots of beer, eating Louie's in bed
Bad: More shitty sleep, being a fat ass, another headache
Good: Coffee outside at Highland
Bad: Stupid fucks at Subway
Good: Reading while cuddled up on a couch with two puppies, more partying, some cute pictures, seeing parents
Bad: Washing a cat pee covered blanket, telling Richie the entire abusive ex story (maybe more on this later), getting heartburn as a result
Good: Looking at old pictures, snuggles
Bad: A UTI. Jesus, vagina. Really?
Good: Spooning, Richie officially moved to NOLA.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Achieving 101 in 1001

While writing up my most recent 101 in 1001 post, I started thinking about something that has been bothering me about this list for the last few months. Mostly the fact that I'm not really taking any active stance in completing some of the more challenging goals. One of the points of doing the list to begin with was to get me doing things I wasn't comfortable doing, to push me to gain new skills. I keep running up against the issue of time but then I think about how much time I spend reading gossip sites and how much time I'm able to find when I NEED to do something and I realize it's not a good excuse. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with beginning a project and so I put it off. Most of it is not wanting to deal with getting better at something, not wanting to put the time in. But that's not really the point of the list. So, please bear with me, but I'm going to run through the list with some ideas about completing each remaining item.

1) Go Cajun Dancing.
Options here. Bonus swing dancing lessons on Tuesday nights.

3) Write a letter to a celebrity and ask for an autograph.
I need to pick a celeb. I think I might change that to musician though and write to Ani Difranco. I have plenty I could write.

4) Eat at a 4 or 5 star restaurant.
Should be able to do this soon, since Richie will be working at Bayona :)

5) Learn to play Guitar Hero on Hard.
This is a silly one. It'd probably take a weekend.

6) Design a new tattoo or get some color in my existing one.
I've actually got a design in mind. I just need to schedule an appointment with an artist to sketch it out. Thinking about Erica or Michael from Eye Candy tattoo or Chris Allen at Atomic in Baton Rouge.

7) Buy one piece of art.
I've actually been scouting for this one. Need to hit up some more art markets.

8) Grow my hair below my shoulder blades.
This is obviously a passive one but I've been taking pains to keep it healthy and growing. I'm even taking vitamins!

9) Attain a Master's Degree.
I have all my hours done and I could graduate in December if I want, but I'm going to write that damn thesis. So, this will happen in May.

11) Apply to 5 MA/Ph.D programs that I really want to attend.
I have a list. Now I just have to do it.

12) Adopt an animal from a shelter.
I tried to do this through ARNO, but I ran into some issues. Going to check CAWS and the SPCA.

13) Learn to change the oil in my car.
Richie and my dad have both offered to show me this one. Next time my oil needs changing (probably another 2-3 months), I'm going to get one of them to show me how to do it.

15) Brush up on my French enough to hold a short conversation.
I'm not sure this one is going to get completed. Part of it is that I need to define my parameters. How difficult should the convo be? How short is short? Also, I need to make myself study French again. Maybe I'll work on that one this summer. I do have Rosetta Stone software.

20) Get a spa facial.
This one is a money issue. I've come across Groupons for facials, so I need to just buy one and go.

21) Go to The Dinner Bell with a group of friends.
Probably need to take a more active stance in convincing people to come eat off a Lazy Susan.

22) Make a family tree.
My Uncle Dale has an extensive family tree of my mom's side. I need to get that from him, ask him for some pointers on genealogy research and do one for my dad's side. I think I'd like to go back to great-great-great grandparents. Trying to decide about second/third/fourth cousins.

25) Find a lipstick and liner that I like.
I actually found an "Almost" lipstick I like (Clinique's Black Honey), but I think I'm going to go play in Sephora next time I'm there. Jezebel also mentioned a Revlon red lipstick that supposedly works for everyone so I might just suck it up and drop the $7 to try it out.

27) Regularly volunteer somewhere.
Time issue. I volunteer at different places almost every month, but nowhere continuously. I'm going to sign up for more spots at Hollygrove and ARNO (who ALWAYS needs help) and see if STAIR needs any non-tutor volunteers. I have time on Friday evenings and Saturday mornings to do these things, especially if I stay in the city.

30) Make a recipe book.
One of those things where I get caught up in the details. I could just write down my favorite recipes, put them in an album and be done with this. but instead, I want to make it fancy, so I don't even get started on it. Goal: Write down at least 5 recipes a weekend until I get to a stopping point. Work on book in between.

32) Go to a major sporting event.
Saints game is not happening. I'm going to ask my dad about attending a LSU game. If that doesn't work, I'm going to get tickets to a Hornets game.

34) Lose 30 pounds.
I was working pretty hardcore on this one until i got all stressed out and started skewing eating disordery again. But I've been making it a point to ride my bike everywhere, stopped drinking soft drinks again and am trying to consciously make healthy eating choices. Once I've gotten back in a good mindset, I'll get back on the scale again and see where I'm at.

35) Give up soft drinks for 2 months.
I think I've actually done this but I don't keep track of it. Goal: Start now, in October and don't drink any soft drinks until January.

36) Do 200 sit-ups in one sitting.
This is something I need to schedule for myself and do as soon as I get home from work. Every other day, until I build up to 200.

37) Learn to use the weights at my gym.
So I don't HAVE a gym right now, mostly because of money issues. Therefore, this one is getting put on the back burner while I figure out a solution.

38) Run 5 miles.
Been half-assedly working on this one with a Couch to 5K app. Need to dedicate more time to it. I was surprised at my stamina though, I guess from bike riding. That gave me some encouragement to continue.

39) Make a cheesecake.
There's really no reason I haven't done this beyond not wanting to eat cheesecake. My friend Ross is having a birthday party this weekend. Maybe I'll make a cheesecake and feed it to people there.

40) Have a Sazerac at The Roosevelt Hotel.
this is one I want to do with Ann, so we just have to coordinate schedules. I also have a friend who works at the Roosevelt now, so maybe I'll get a hookup :)

42) Take some photos of my brother and me for my parents.
I tried to arrange this last year but I didn't have the time or money. I need to talk to Alex about it and work on it either for Christmas or for my parents anniversary (in April). This is one I'd like to do soonish.

43) Write a letter to myself to open in 10 years.
Another one I put too much thought into. I keep thinking of all these things I need to include, but it doesn't need to be some vast explanation of my entire life right now. I just need to give myself a few hours and write the damn thing. Goal: Do this before the New Year.

44) Organize my iTunes.
I can only attribute this to pure laziness. Some of it has been taken care of, but considering all the time I spend with my computer, there's no reason I haven't done all of it. I might try and do that one this weekend.

45) Go to at least 3 states I've never visited before.
Going to Oklahoma at New Years for the Flaming Lips, so I should be able to cross that one off my list soon.

47) Build 1 piece of furniture for myself.
I want to build a set of spice shelves. One of my friends is a carpenter (and, you know, my dad) so I'm going to get some advice about materials and framing and try and do this one in December or January.

48) Host dinner for my parents.
Every time my parents come here, they want to eat poboys at Cooter Browns. I'm sort of shy about being all "hey can I cook for you guys?" This will be one that can wait for next year, but maybe I'll do something early next year. February?

51) Have a palm reading.
I either need to do this the silly way (go to Jackson Square with the tourists) or the slightly-not-as-silly way and go to Bottom of the Cup

53) Submit at least 7 poems for publication.
I've barely been writing lately, in part due to the fact that I haven't been reading. This is another one that will have to wait until next year, but something I'd like to start on soonish. I bought two new volumes of poetry--maybe I'll read a poem a day and see how that inspires me.

54) Write 2 non-fiction pieces, Brevity-style.
See above. I need to put Brevity back on my Google Reader.

55) Cook 10 challenging dishes from celebrated chefs.
Goal: Look up dishes from different chefs while at work today, email them to myself and cook at LEAST one a month until I'm through the list.
http://dineomite.blogspot.com/2009/11/what-to-do-with-monster-cauliflower.html- Thomas Keller


57) Make 3 food items I'd normally buy ready-made.
I have a bunch of recipes for this stuff and I haven't made any of them. Goal: Next time I'm close to running out of a condiment (harrissa, jelly, mustard, ketchup, BBQ sauce), make it myself.

58) Visit another country.
No longer sure how feasible this one is. Richie and I have talked about driving down to Mexico (this isn't as random as it might sound--he has a friend from Tamaulipas). Maybe this summer. If that doesn't work, maybe I'll try and drive into Canada if I can get over to San Fran.

59) Learn to play my guitar.
One of my good friends has a degree in classical guitar and teaches it as a job. This is one of those "I don't want to work for it" things. Next time he comes over for dinner (probably in the next two weeks), I'm going to ask him to teach me basic chords.

60) Grow a vegetable.
I bought the seeds for this and then realized I couldn't dig a garden in my backyard, so I gave up. Goal: get porch pots, research urban gardening and grow something.

61) Start a herb garden.
Also bought the seeds for this. Just need to go to Lowes, get pots and put them on my kitchen windowsill.

62) Visit 10 historical sites in New Orleans.
Some places to keep in mind: U.S. Mint, George Washington Cable House, St. Louis Cathedral, Gallier House, Ursuline Convent, Customhouse, Cotton Exchange, State Bank Building, St. Patricks Cathedral, St. Mary's Assumption (obviously I just need to attend mass at some cathedrals). Also, I revisted the Musicians Tomb--can I add that? I think not.

63) Make 1 item of clothing for myself.
I have material to make some skirts and I have two tutorials (here and here). I'm just afraid of messing up. I also don't really know how to read a pattern. And I'm kind of shitty with my sewing machine which probably needs to be serviced. Excuses. Just make the damn skirt, self.

64) Make an apron.
See above. I do want to make a skirt or two before I attack an apron and then start with a half one. Goal; Finish at least one skirt by November and at least one apron by December.

65) Make some curtain sets.
Okay yes. This is me being lazy. Does it count that I altered some curtains for my front door? It doesn't? Okay. :/ Honestly, I keep putting this off because I bought these wooden blinds about a year ago and they're too big for my window and I can't decide if I want to hang them or just get something else and god, I am the world's worst procrastinator. I have had motherfucking beach blankets on my window for a year. Enough is enough.

66) Fly a kite.
I keep forgetting this is even on the list. It's good weather for flying a kite. I'm going to see if someone wants to go do that this weekend.

67) Learn to make 6 different cocktails from memory.
haven't really been drinking much at home, so I haven't had a chance to practice this. That should change with Fall approaching.

68) Have a well-stocked home bar.
See above. I actually need to take stock and see what's missing.

69) Buy a set of lingerie.
Something I kept running up against is deciding what I meant by "lingerie." I bought a babydoll nightgown and matching panties (which I've yet to wear...I'll get to that in a second), but I didn't really feel it met the requirement. I realized I wanted something more...boudoir style. Something with a vintagy feel. I like this a whole lot but I can't get a set out of my mind that I saw on Etsy about 6 months ago. It was a deep olive green with black lace. the shop has since gone out of business and can't find anything comparable.
The other issue here is...I'm not good with lingerie. I don't ever feel comfortable when I feel like my body is being scrutinized and that's sort of exactly what lingerie is meant to do. I'm not good at acting sexy. I feel sexy when I'm naked. I feel sexy when I know I look good. But I'm not comfortable enough with lingerie (or the whole reveal of it) to feel sexy in it yet. We'll see. Maybe I'll just prance around the house in it.


71) Get rid of all my non-stick cookware (except one pan).
Working on this one out of necessity, since my nonstick stuff is starting to peel. I think I'm going to do a bit of research and ask for a few pieces to replace the nonstick stuff for Christmas (and get a new nonstick pan for eggs). The biggest thing I want/need is my big heavy saucepan with an extra handle on the side. I'd like to get one that's oven safe.

72) Make a piece of pottery.
I don't even really know why I even put this on here. Filler? Thus, it may not get done, but if I find a Groupon for one of those places that lets you go throw a pot and fire it, I may go.

74) Get a framed copy of my diploma.
I asked for this as a birthday present. I want to find a similar frame so I can frame the Tulane one too.

77) Write at least 5 letters (each) to Erin and Mike.
Working on this one. Part of the issue here, as Mike and I were discussing yesterday, is that we all talk so much online that letter writing seems almost redundant. But I'd still like to do it, if for no other reason than the fact that it's nice to get a letter in the mail (Erin was very happy about the one I wrote her). Plus, as Mike said, it's nice to be a letter writer. This is also something I could work on at work.

78) Learn to belly dance.
Defintiely something that will wait 'til next year. Iw as going to take lessons at Crescent Lotus but they cost too much, so DVD it is.

79) Visit The Museum of the Gulf Coast.
I think I'm going to try and make this a weekend trip after my birthday.

81) Write down all purchases for 1 month and look at where I can cut expenses.
I started doing this awhile back and I lost track of it. I also keep making excuses for it (e.g it's the holidays, of course I'm going to spend more!). Goal: Keep track in November.

84) Go 1 month without buying coffee.
I don't think this is going to happen. I'm so addicted to Z'otz. Not just the coffee, but the company. Maybe I'll just buy tea. We'll see.

86) Crochet or knit a scarf for myself.
I'm going to work on this in December (and January if it doesn't get finished). I also need to see if Susan will give me some knitting tips.

87) Drink 2 liters of water a day for 2 months.
Another aborted attempt. This one can be a pain in the ass because I have to carry around a water bottle. I will start this again in January, when my skin starts drying out again.

89) Visit a National Memorial or Site.
This one will obviously take a bit of work. If I visit Erin again, there's one in Chicago. I'd really like to go to D.C. I'm not going to worry about this one until next year and then I'll evaluate finances and see what's possible.

90) Go back to San Francisco.
I need to talk to my Uncle about this. I'd love to go this summer. Graduation present to self?

91) Upload and organize all my digital photos.
I've gotten started on this by putting pics from my old desktop and old laptop on an external harddrive. Now I just need to get everything off the Mac and start organizing. Baby steps.

92) Print out some photos for framing and scrapbooks.
This will come after photos are organized. I AM working on a frame wall though, so maybe that will spur me on.

93) Become more familiar with local and federal politicians and vote in all major elections.
This is one where I've been slacking and also something I could do on my lunch break. Goal: Look up elections for next two years, state and local, and put on calendar. Next, do at least some rudimentary research on the local level politicians.

96) Attend 10 cultural events.
More lazy. Goal: look up events at local theaters (as well as Swine Palace and the Shaw Center) and talk to Nancy about upcoming plays. Buy tickets to at least two events happening before the end of the year.

97) Take the GREs, both the general and the literature.
Scheduled to take the Lit GRE in November. Hold me.

98) Pay off my 1st student loan and 1/4 of the 2nd one.
I need to see exactly how much money it is that I owe (responsibility, y'all) and look over my finances, then work out a pay schedule. This is something I ened to do anyway, as I'm toying with the idea of buying a car.

99) Go on a camping trip.
Been talking about with one with Richie (who has never been camping!) and some other friends. Will hopefully happen in October or late November.

100) Don't eat out for 1 month.
This one is difficult and I don't want to face it right now.

101) Host a fancy dress party.
I'm planning on doing this for my birthday this year :)

Full list here

mainstream subculture

(posted on FB but saving here for easy-access posterity)

I was leaving Z'otz around midnight. As I was unlocking my bike and tying my ankle-length skirt into a knot, an older white guy with a shaved head approached me.
Him: Hey, uh, you know where I can buy a joint?
Me: No. Sorry.
Him: C'mon. Really? Really?!
Me:...yes. really.*

I'm curious what it was about me that screamed "haver of ze drugs!" to this dude. The bangs? (they do double duty as indicators of my hipsterness and my drug habits.) The nose rings? The bike? Being a mid-20's white girl outside of a vaguely counter-culturey coffeeshop?

My first thought was "cop," but upon further consideration, I wonder if it wasn't just some dude who decided he wanted to try pot. I mean, buy a joint? Really? We're not at Bonnaroo, asshole. I feel like NOPD might be more adept at snaring people, you know? Then again, I guess there probably are some idiots who would pull out their stash and those are easy targets. Either way, it was a good opportunity to continue perfecting my "get away from me" side-eye.

*no, not really. reefer madness, y'all.**
**the last time I bought drugs, I was in high school.

Monday, October 3, 2011

101 in 1001- August/September update

The last two months have been an amalgamation of GRE prep, intense reading, work, and stress so I wasn't able to get around to updating the list (or really even updating the blog). Here you are, dear reader.

16) Donate $100 a year to charity.
NARAL- $20 (August 2011)

18) Read 10 books from the Bloom Canon.
5) D.H. Lawrence Sons and Lovers (August 2011)
I really liked this book, though I think it dragged a bit at the end and I kind of thought Paul Morel was a prick. The fact that his character is said to be an autobiographical representation of Lawrence himself doesn't dissuade me.

19) Read 1 unassigned book per month.
May '11- Margaret Atwood The Penelopiad
June '11- Linda Olsson Astrid and Veronika
I've been playing catch up with this. I've obviously still got some more to do and I'm working on it. As for these books, The Penelopiad was brilliant, as Atwood always is. Astrid and Veronika was a letdown--a story that started off strong but ended up with totally unrealistic or relatable characters, a story that veered from intriguing to trite and an ending that was pat and left lots of loose plot ends.

23) See 26 movies I've never seen, starting with each letter of the alphabet.
C- Citizen Kane (1941) (August 2011)
I know. It's blasphemous that I hadn't seen this before.

24) Learn 1 new word a week.
Panegyric- elaborate praise
Foment- To arouse of incite
Solecism- grammatical mistake; blunder in speech
Meretricious- gaudy; falsely attractive
Lissome- easily flexed; limber; agile
Tacent- silent
Cupidity- greed; strong desire
Rebarbative- causing annoyance or irritation
Tyro- a beginner; a novice

46) Walk in a second-line parade.
Going to count the Midsummer Mardi Gras parade for this one.

67) Learn to make 6 different cocktails from memory.
2) Jack and Ginger (August 2011)
Is this complicated? No. Is it a cocktail? Yes. Is it delicious? YES.

70) Discover 5 new-to-me poets.
2) Kate Daniels (July 2011)
(forgot to mention this one in the July update

77) Write at least 5 letters (each) to Erin and Mike.
Erin- 1 (August 2011)

95) Take a road trip to an unfamiliar city and spend at least 5 hours there.(August 2011)
I went to Grand Isle on a family vacation for my Dad's birthday. We spotted some fish, strung crab lines and did some drinking. I also spent some time driving around the island, including driving to the end of Hwy. 1.

97) Take the GREs, both the general and the literature.
Took the general in September and will be taking the Lit. in late December or so.

Full list here

Sunday, October 2, 2011

hazy memories

Me: if La Ha parties taught me anything
it was how to play flip cup
I fucking dominated last night and I was the only girl at the party
against 7 dudes
Erin: hahhahaha
that's awesome
Me: I talked so much shit
one asshole got so pissed off that I beat him 3 times
I was sitting on an ice chest and he pushed me off of it
and then all my dude friends there were like "uh dude, wtf."
and I was telling richie about it later and he was all "WTF"
but I told him "but then I got up and ran over to the dude and punched him in the kidney and kicked him in the dick."
Erin: did you really?
Me: yes
I was really mad
the ice chest spilled over on me
I got soaking wet
and he was being a bitch
Erin: he sounds like it
i just can't imagine you kidney and dick punching anyone
Me: I was pretty drunk
I ran over and went to kick him and he grabbed my foot
Erin: you have to be after 3-7 games of flip cup
Me: so I punched him in the kidney
and he let go of my foot and I kicked him in the dick
oh we played a good 15 games
at least

Me: when I first started drinking, we were like...chugging beer
and it was spilling and peter started excitedly yelling "BEER ON TITS! BEER ON TITS!"
and I'm trying to flip the cup and going "really peter?"
Erin: it's the little things

Me: also, I guess richie and I are all official and shit
he referred to himself as my boyfriend
and I said "are you? you never asked"
and he looked at me like "are you fucking serious?" and said "sorry amanda. do you want to be my girlfriend?"
and I said "maybe" and he said "come here, you bitch"
we went on a very high/low date friday night
we were going to go see lion king but he was hungry, so we stopped beforehand
to get wings. and they were PACKED. so the movie had already started by the time we left
and he was like "you wanna go somewhere nice and just get a glass of wine?"
I said sure, so we went to the grape in perkins rowe and there was a live band
so it was actually really really nice
Erin: that sounds really nice
very low key
Me: it was. we just hung out and talked and laughed at drunks
and I told him about you bursting into the wine loft and announcing that it was so cold that it was making your nipples hard
and he laughed really hard
Erin: maybe one of my favorite stories ever
Me: it's definitely one of mine
man. we have been shitfaced so many times in front of each other
like, I can think of 6 times off the top of my head that I've thrown up in front of you
Erin: or in near proximity
when i went to that bachelorette party, one of michael's coworkers asked me for a ridiculous drunk story
and i couldn't think of anything
put on the spot like that
Me: oh damn
Erin: so since we were drinking champagne, i told about my flirtini night and how i was hungover for 3 days
Me: we peed off the back of a boat
Erin: but i wish i'd told the cold nipples story
Me: there's that one
there's the christmas party
when we were both shitfaced
Erin: and you stripped
and i passed out in my closet
Me: and we made mike and katie take care of the cats while we passed out
yes
we are awesome
Erin: yes
Me: honestly, I think I'm more of an embarrassment than you though
I mean, there was that time I took off with a 5th of vodka, ran down the street and passed out in a yard
there was the time I threw up out the car on the way back from new roads
of course there's the time when C had to come get me from your parking lot and brought me home with a bucket
Erin: yeah, that one was a classic
Me: I am awful
at least I've mostly gotten my shit together
last night, I drank drank, made myself puke, drank a liter of water THEN resumed drinking
like a motherfucking adult.