Monday, September 23, 2013

something tastes different/maybe it's my tongue...

...something tastes different/suddenly I'm not so young.

I've been awash in so many goings on, both in and out of my own mind, that I've been too inundated to do much more than keep my head above water, show up at obligations, drink the more-often-than-occasional whiskey, have important conversations, and occasionally zone out at Z'otz. Which is where I currently am, sipping an iced lavender mocha, because sometimes a girl needs a fancy drink to type out her pithy thoughts.

Getting engaged has really messed with my psyche, y'all. On so many levels. One of them is coping with the idea of getting engaged. When Ravi and I broke up, it was partly because he was steadfastly opposed to the idea of ever getting married. I never thought I was ready to get married when we were together, but I thought for certain it was in my future. And somewhere along the way, I stopped believing that. I don't mean that in a morose way. I mean, I lost the insistent belief that I would one day get married. Even when Richie and I decided we wanted to get married, even when we got the rings from my parents and had them repaired, even when I gave them to him, knowing their purpose...I never fully embraced the idea that I was now someone who wanted to get married. The morning Richie proposed, I told Erin, Christie, and A.L. how BIZARRE it felt. How I had honestly asked Richie to repeat the proposal, because I felt like I'd flubbed it (my response was a slack-jawed "umm...okay. yes. okay. I'm sorry, I totally screwed that up.")

Every day, I ask myself if this is something I want to do. I know that sounds awful, but I think that's a question worth asking. An affirmation, if you will. Because the answer is always yes. I just need to...familiarize myself with the situation. But on the other hand, there is the pressure of bliss. As in, I feel like a fraud for not being constantly blissed out about my engaged state. I'm not. I'm happy, I'm excited, I think about other things, I am occasionally sad, I'm indulging in nostalgia on unprecedented levels, I'm opening what are apparently some delicately healed wounds with regards to my family, I'm on flirting with some dangerous thoughts in regards to eating habits (but working very hard to keep them in check). I am a bundle of emotions. I suppose it makes sense that I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my early college years, because that's the last time I really felt that exhilarating mix of joy and depression. 

Because, there is something sad about going into another chapter. I try and tell myself that I'm still me, that I don't change in relation to my married state, and that's fine, but it's still A Big Change. I want to honor that and I feel like honoring that comes with a certain amount of pathos. 

Along with all that are a slew of other weddings, travel, wedding planning, the truly nightmarish task of shopping for a wedding dress (which has pushed me to accept A.L.'s offer to make my wedding dress), my hair is falling out (no, for real. like, bald spot falling out!), being really busy (but really happy) at work, trying to carve out time to be a well-rounded person (i.e. I read books late into the night and don't get enough sleep), yelling at myself for falling prey to the rat race of corporate life, still being happy, dancing to the point of dehydration at wedding receptions, filming silent movies, feeling guilty about missing out on dance parties and dinners, feeling guilty about not writing here, having so much on my mind that writing here seemed know. All that. 

I don't know who still reads this (or who is still reading this truly mangled entry), but if you are, thanks. Maybe now that I've barfed all over the page, I'll feel a little less like there's too much for me to even get into here. I hope it's like getting back in the habit of writing in get all the bullshit out of the way, so you can get to the good stuff. (This is why you should never turn in your first draft of a paper! Unless you're me and you procrastinate, then stay up rewriting the same paragraph five times. But don't do that. It gives you ulcers.) 

Thursday, September 12, 2013

101 in 1001 - August update

2) Read ten canonical works from the Bloom canon.
1) James Wilcox Modern Baptists

23) Ride bike to work at least 2 times a month. 
I'm amending this to riding my bike at least twice a month, because things have come up where this isn't feasible every month. I'm also going to make up August's rides :)

26) Join a gym.
Done! I'm excited to get back on a regular workout schedule and I really like my gym. The only downside is that it's across town from home (but close-ish to work), thereby impeding my bike ride to work plan (because I'm not going to the gym 4-5 times a week, THEN riding my bike 5 miles back home.)

38) Eat at three-old school New Orleans restaurants.
1) Tujague's

54) Sew five things from a pattern.
1) Burda Style Chill Dress

Thursday, August 22, 2013

birthday coincidences

This seems especially apropos after my drinks date last night:

I think that there is a place where she [Scarlet] realizes that people come in and out of your life. Sometimes for a day, sometimes for longer. And all of them make you what you are. You can't separate these people out of you. They form who you are. Even the ones that you kind of say well... you know, I don't know if I wanna be formed by them anymore.(laughs) But you are in some way. You are. That's why, maybe, you don't have to look at them so harshly because they have affected you. At the end, though, you know... it's us as individuals with our... mm... with our love for the land. For something intangible, that when soulmates come and go, you're never alone even when you're standing just you in your shoes, because you carry them with you.
-Tori Amos, Scarlet Stories, re: "A Sorta Fairytale"

Happy 50th, Tori Amos. Oof, I feel old.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Motley Monday Links

(Ten links this time to make up for the extended absence!)

The biggest fantasy of every record digger, or the biggest heartbreak? (hat tip to Ann)

Life-changing religious experiencs may better your life, but they could also shrink your hippocampus.

No matter how bad you have it, you probably don't have it worse than this guy.

I just don't understand why Joe Pesci's rap career didn't take off.

"He is four. We think he might be a boy." A lovely story of a family growing up with a possibly transgender son.

A sad reminder of hatred and homophobia, "...but Hill and Weimer were busy setting up two new pride flags, on either side of the gap left in the crime's wake. 'We're doubling down,' Hill said."

"I am a radical, card-carrying feminist, and still I put out smiles indiscriminately, hoping to please not only friends and family but also my son’s orthodontist, the barista who rolls his eyes while I fumble apologetically through my wallet, and the ex-boyfriend who cheated on me. If I had all that energy back — all the hours and neurochemicals and facial musculature I have expended in my wanton pursuit of likedness — I could propel myself to Mars and back. Or, at the very least, write the book “Mars and Back: Gendered Constraints and Wasted Smiling.”

Would you eat a lab-grown burger? I'm...not sure.

It's Curiosity's one-year anniversary on Mars!

Hilda, the plump pin-up!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

101 in 1001- July update

So it begins--updates for the new list!

9) Watch one movie for each of AFI's 50 screen legends.
Note: I'm only counting movies I haven't seen before. I'm also only counting one movie per star, so "The Gay Divorcee" won't count for Fred AND Ginger
Bette Davis- Deception
Marilyn Monroe- Some Like It Hot
Fred Astaire- The Gay Divorcee

23) Ride bike to work at least two times a month.
July '13- XX

36) Can/preserve five foods.
1) Fig preserves
2) Yellow heirloom tomatoes

46) Get a new car.
This one got expedited when my Mazda decided to finally go for broke and blow out the engine and the radiator on the interstate. Nothing like having to get towed out of a blind curve on the interstate, 2 miles from your house. My mom gave me her Mercury and now everyone feels happy and safe. 

64) Redesign guest bathroom.
Richie actually surprised me by taking care of this one. He turned it into my bathroom. Now we look less like hoarders and you can walk in both bathrooms! 

Full list here

Monday, July 22, 2013

old tweets/new you

One thing I've been working on lately is crafting a more professional image of myself. I've joined some philanthropic list serves, looked into attending a few classes, signed up for the Emerging Philanthropists of New Orleans, etc. I've also decided to brush off my long-dormant Twitter account, since many nonprofits use Twitter. Needless to say, I need to revamp the entire thing.  In going through old tweets (and deleting them), I found some gems that I wanted to preserve here.

Planning a breakup and my mom wants me to lie to a priest. I need a nap.

Why the fuck does someone need a cake picked up at 9 am? Breakfast cake?
I like it when the ladies at work all talk about "what [they] would have done". I don't think they're so threatening in real life.

I love the astonished responses to my blood orange from people who have all likely eaten roadkill.

I like to think I'm fun at a party.

Places where it is legal for people and burritos to marry: My mouth. My stomach.

Nancy and I are watching "Her Married Lover" on the Lifetime channel!
All women in this movie wear long ugly prairie dresses with sheer long-sleeve shirts underneath.
...and hightop sneakers.

Choice quote from my dad: "I walked in that bathroom and man...what I did in there oughta have been a CRIME."

I am the worst person ever at putting in eye drops.

Ravi: Where does a one-legged waitress work? Me: Where? Ravi: IHOP.

Rajasthani Buttermilk Curry for the soul totally trumps Chicken Soup for the soul.

My face is peeling. I hope it reveals a new face underneath.

Remember that Fastball song- "The Way"?

Someone in my office smells like mothballs and that is mixing with the smell of porkchops in the breakroom. This is very unpleasant.

The Dutch apparently put chocolate shavings on their toast. I think I need to have the kitties sent over because we're moving.

Ravi: "My neck. My back. My pussy and my sac. I'm a hermaphrodite."

I wish I was better at making friends.

"...and then I kind of made scrunch face, where I raise one eyebrow and and kind of smirk glumly" #attractivefaces

Every time I adjust my nose ring, someone walks by and I know it looks like I'm picking my nose.

I love Marxist lit. crit. It makes me feel frisky.

"Just drinking and loudly singing Jewish lesbian songs."

If we don't love language, God quits loving us, and then we are fucked."- Andrei Codrescu

fave comment of the day: "you make my mind dirty."
followed by: "i base my knowledge off of experience. like schrödinger's cat. does she have a box if she's in a box?"

Oh jesus I am blindly drunk.

I think I flirted with a boy today. I think.

New Delta Review bsns card: "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." Ray Bradbury

I exchanged names w/ the dreamy tattooed boy in my class, but nothing will ever come of this bc I nearly threw up on my shoes in anxiety.

"Everything in it's Right Place" always makes me feel deeply disturbed.

I hate it when people spell "weird" as "wierd." (SERIOUSLY, I REALLY HATE THIS.)

ice cold ghirardelli chocolate chips, from the freezer to my mouth. I have lost all self-control.

not nom:

Postlady: Hey! 'scuse me! Are you waiting on a postcard from someone who might be named Juan?! Me: ha, no. PL: Damn.

Trying to channel depression into productivity. Have only succeeded in making wine. Not boding well.

Oh Maredsous, was it worth it?

my new lesbian pick up line: "hey girl, how fancy is your feast?" Especially effective when used with a cat lady. (DOUBLE ENTENDRE.)

Sunday, June 30, 2013

101 in 1001

Time for a new 101 in 1001 list! This time around, I've opted to keep the list free from my explanations. for why particular things are on the list. I'll probably go into those in more detail as each month passes, or in a yearly check-in.

This list will finish on March 27, 2016.

Without further ado:

Reading, Writing, and Watching

1) Read all of Shakespeare's works.
All's Well That Ends Well
Antony and Cleopatra
As You Like It
The Comedy of Errors
The Tragedy of Coriolanus
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
The First part of King Henry the Fourth
The Second part of King Henry the Fourth
The Life of King Henry the Fifth
The First part of King Henry the Sixth
The Second part of King Henry the Sixth
The Third part of King Henry the Sixth
The Life of King Henry the Eighth
The Life and Death of Julius Caesar
The Life and Death of King John
King Lear
Loves Labours Lost
The Tragedy of Macbeth
Measure for Measure
The Merry Wives of Windsor
The Merchant of Venice
A Midsummer Night's Dream
Much Ado About Nothing
Othello, the Moore of Venice
Pericles, Prince of Tyre
The Life and Death of Richard the Second
The Life and Death of Richard the Third
Romeo and Juliet
The Taming of the Shrew
The Tempest
Timon of Athens
Titus Andronicus
Troilus and Cressida
Twelfth Night
Two Gentlemen of Verona
Winter's Tale
A Lover's Complaint
The Passionate Pilgrim
The Phoenix & The Turtle
The Rape of Lucrece
The Argument
The Sonnets (154)
Venus &Adonis

2) Read ten canonical works from the Bloom canon. 
1) James Wilcox Modern Baptists (August '13)

3) Memorize seven great poems. 

4) Read the Bible and the Qur'an.

5) Read at least six major philosophers from different schools of thought.

6) Read five biographies. 
1) Former U.S. president
2) Foreign leader
3) Activist
4) Game-changer
5) Someone else!

7) Submit one poem and one piece of non-fiction for publication. 

8) Write or expand a Wikipedia article. 

9) Watch one movie for each of AFI's fifty screen legends.
Humphrey Bogart
Katharine Hepburn
Cary Grant
Bette Davis Deception (July '13)
James Stewart
Audrey Hepburn
Marlon Brando
Ingrid Bergman
Fred Astaire The Gay Divorcee (July '13)
Greta Garbo
Henry Fonda
Marilyn Monroe Some Like It Hot (July '13)
Clark Gable
Elizabeth Taylor
James Cagney
Judy Garland
Spencer Tracy
Marlene Dietrich
Charlie Chaplin
Joan Crawford
Gary Cooper
Barbara Stanwyck
Gregory Peck
Claudette Colbert
John Wayne
Grace Kelly
Laurence Olivier
Ginger Rogers
Gene Kelly
Mae West
Orson Welles
Vivien Leigh
Kirk Douglas
Lillian Gish
James Dean
Shirley Temple
Burt Lancaster
Rita Hayworth
The Marx Brothers
Lauren Bacall
Buster Keaton
Sophia Loren
Sidney Poitier
Jean Harlow
Robert Mitchum
Carole Lombard
Edward G. Robinson
Mary Pickford
William Holden
Ava Gardner

10) See ten films from foreign countries. 

11) Read an etiquette guide.

Culture and Creativity 

12) Go to the opera.

13) Paint a picture.

14) Take dancing lessons. 

15) Take some sort of creative class (painting, sewing, photography, etc.). 

16) Complete 5 photo projects. 

17) Learn to use camera in manual mode. 

18) Learn to correctly shuffle a deck of cards. 

19) Learn to play poker. 

20) Go to Plan B bike workshop/Ladies' Night. 

21) Learn to play basic chords on guitar. 

22) Become a certified SCUBA diver.

Health and Fitness 

23) Ride bike to work at least two times a month:
July ’13- XX
August ’13-
September ’13-
October ’13-
November ’13-
December ’13-
January ’14-
February ‘14
March ’14-
April ’14-
May ’14-
June ’14-
July ‘14
August ’14-
September ’14-
October ’14-
November ’14-
December ’14-
January ’15-
February ’15-
March ’15-
April ’15-
May ’15-
June ’15-
July ’15-
August ’15-
September ’15-
October ’15-
November ’15-
December ’15-
January ’16-
February ’16-
March ’16-

24) Run a ten-minute mile. 

25) Lose thirty pounds. 

26) Join a gym. (August 2013)

27) Participate in ten 5Ks. 

28) Do a seven-day cleanse. 

29) Complete a fitness program. 

Food and Cooking 

30) Cook an entire cookbook. 

31) Learn to break down a chicken. 

32) Make a recipe book. 

33) Have a tasting contest of something. 

34) Host a holiday dinner. 

35) Bake ten cakes.

36) Can/preserve five foods. 
1) Fig preserves (July '13)
2) Yellow heirloom tomatoes (July '13)

37) Learn to boil crawfish from my dad. 

38) Eat at three old-school New Orleans restaurants. 
1) Tujague's (August '13)

39) Make and serve a seven-course meal with recipes from famous chefs.


40) Get married. 

41) Make a family tree that goes five generations back. 


42) Create a joint budget. 

43) Save at least $1500 a year. 

44) Pay off all credit card debt. 

45) Pay off half of student loan. 

46) Get a new car.  (July 2013)

47) Start house-buying search. 

48) Start a new 401k. 


49) Organize a drive for a shelter. 

50) Donate $100/year to charity. 

51) Volunteer somewhere new.

Crafting and Home Improvement 

52) Crochet a granny-square a day for one month. 

53) Complete ten Pinterest crafts. 

54) Sew five things from a pattern. 
1) Chill Dress (August '13)

55) Knit a blanket.

56) Make throw pillows. 

57) Restore a piece of used furniture. 

58) Reupholster dining room chairs. 

59) Build a piece of furniture. 

60) Embroider pillow cases. 

61) Learn calligraphy. 

62) Make a set of jewelry. 

63) Keep a tree alive for at least one year.

64) Redesign guest bathroom. (July 2013)

65) Catalog all books. 

66) Catalog all records. 

67) Catalog all DVDs. 

68) Clean out basement.


69) Learn a programming language. 

70) Move blog to webpage. 

71) Organize ALL computer files. 

72) Donate desktop computer. 


73) Buy a piece of designer clothing. 

74) Buy and wear a bikini. 

75) Try five new hairstyles. 

76) Enter entire wardrobe into Polyvore and edit. 


77) Ride a riverboat. 

78) Pick berries at a farm. 

79) Join a Mardi Gras walking krewe. 

80) Buy local or DIY all Christmas presents one year. 

81) Visit every bookstore in New Orleans. 

82) Join a community garden. 

83) Go to ten new Louisiana festivals. 

84) Visit a new town in Louisiana. 

85) Go to Mass at St. Louis Cathedral. 

86) Memorize every Louisiana parish. 

87) Get a "I'm a Cajun" driver's license. 


88) Visit another country. 

89) Visit three state parks. 

90) Visit a National Memorial.

Random Fun and Self-Improvement

91) Learn all football positions.

92) Ride a horse.

93) Make a habit of sending small gifts to friends (at least twice a year). 

94) Get another piercing. 

95) Get tarot cards read. 

96) Complete a book of crossword puzzles. 

97) Complete a 5000-piece puzzle.

98) Buy a lottery ticket twice a year. 

99) Learn the alphabet in ALS. 

100) Learn to say one phrase in seven different languages.

101) Host a fancy hat party.