Monday, July 22, 2013

old tweets/new you

One thing I've been working on lately is crafting a more professional image of myself. I've joined some philanthropic list serves, looked into attending a few classes, signed up for the Emerging Philanthropists of New Orleans, etc. I've also decided to brush off my long-dormant Twitter account, since many nonprofits use Twitter. Needless to say, I need to revamp the entire thing.  In going through old tweets (and deleting them), I found some gems that I wanted to preserve here.

Planning a breakup and my mom wants me to lie to a priest. I need a nap.

Why the fuck does someone need a cake picked up at 9 am? Breakfast cake?
I like it when the ladies at work all talk about "what [they] would have done". I don't think they're so threatening in real life.

I love the astonished responses to my blood orange from people who have all likely eaten roadkill.

I like to think I'm fun at a party.

Places where it is legal for people and burritos to marry: My mouth. My stomach.

Nancy and I are watching "Her Married Lover" on the Lifetime channel!
All women in this movie wear long ugly prairie dresses with sheer long-sleeve shirts underneath.
...and hightop sneakers.

Choice quote from my dad: "I walked in that bathroom and man...what I did in there oughta have been a CRIME."

I am the worst person ever at putting in eye drops.

Ravi: Where does a one-legged waitress work? Me: Where? Ravi: IHOP.

Rajasthani Buttermilk Curry for the soul totally trumps Chicken Soup for the soul.

My face is peeling. I hope it reveals a new face underneath.

Remember that Fastball song- "The Way"?

Someone in my office smells like mothballs and that is mixing with the smell of porkchops in the breakroom. This is very unpleasant.

The Dutch apparently put chocolate shavings on their toast. I think I need to have the kitties sent over because we're moving.

Ravi: "My neck. My back. My pussy and my sac. I'm a hermaphrodite."

I wish I was better at making friends.

"...and then I kind of made scrunch face, where I raise one eyebrow and and kind of smirk glumly" #attractivefaces

Every time I adjust my nose ring, someone walks by and I know it looks like I'm picking my nose.

I love Marxist lit. crit. It makes me feel frisky.

"Just drinking and loudly singing Jewish lesbian songs."

If we don't love language, God quits loving us, and then we are fucked."- Andrei Codrescu

fave comment of the day: "you make my mind dirty."
followed by: "i base my knowledge off of experience. like schrödinger's cat. does she have a box if she's in a box?"

Oh jesus I am blindly drunk.

I think I flirted with a boy today. I think.

New Delta Review bsns card: "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." Ray Bradbury

I exchanged names w/ the dreamy tattooed boy in my class, but nothing will ever come of this bc I nearly threw up on my shoes in anxiety.

"Everything in it's Right Place" always makes me feel deeply disturbed.

I hate it when people spell "weird" as "wierd." (SERIOUSLY, I REALLY HATE THIS.)

ice cold ghirardelli chocolate chips, from the freezer to my mouth. I have lost all self-control.

not nom:

Postlady: Hey! 'scuse me! Are you waiting on a postcard from someone who might be named Juan?! Me: ha, no. PL: Damn.

Trying to channel depression into productivity. Have only succeeded in making wine. Not boding well.

Oh Maredsous, was it worth it?

my new lesbian pick up line: "hey girl, how fancy is your feast?" Especially effective when used with a cat lady. (DOUBLE ENTENDRE.)

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