I've been in one of those paradoxical moods, where I am craving to be alone but also want to be around certain people. Because of school, being alone has won out. It hasn't been that bad though. I spent yesterday napping and going to the library. Today, after a hellish night due to a slight fever and the cats, I woke up and washed a blanket that a cat angrily peed on, before baking some bourbon-spiked banana nut bread to bring to work for breakfast this week. It came out really nicely.
I decided to walk to the library but when I stepped outside, I wanted some coffee so I walked down to Rue. Unfortunately, they were really packed, so I just turned and left and went to the library as originally planned. I read some Bersani and took some notes for awhile. Eventually, I started getting hungry and, not wanting to let things get too out of hand when I had 18 blocks to walk home, I left. I got my car and went to Rouses', where I walked around for a little while. One of my favorite things to do when I'm feeling particularly stressed is to wander around the grocery store. It's incredibly soothing to me for some reason. I ended up buying 2 apples (one of which I roasted with some cauliflower for dinner), a jar of Stubb's BBQ sauce, a loaf of bread, some grapefruit juice and a jug of sweet tea.
I think I've been kind of a weirdo lately, really inside my own head and indulging all my introvert behaviors (see: long walks, rambling grocery store jaunts, long out-of-the-way drives, going through old photos) but I've also been happy with myself. Sometimes, I like being the crazy cat lady.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
101 in 1001- November update
19) Read 1 unassigned book per month.
November '10- Paule Marshall- Praisesong for the Widow
This was a beautiful novel. It focuses on one woman's recovery of her heritage through a series of seemingly benign events that turn out to be life-altering. A lot of the book is told in flashback. Though the main character is African-American and much of the book is focused on a specifically African heritage, I still found myself relating to the larger message about embracing and celebrating your past.
23) See 26 movies I've never seen, starting with each letter of the alphabet.
G- The Girl on the Bridge (1999)
24) Learn 1 new word a week.
Curistic- This one is actually kind of difficult to define, as it apparently no longer shows up in dictionaries, but the best way I can think to put it is a means of communication that relies on experience and connections between people, rather than a set of rules dictated by hegemony.
Isogram- A line drawn on a map connecting two points having the same numerical value of some variable.
Disembroil- free (someone or something) from confusion
Taki-Taki- An English-based Creole language of Suriname
Ingeminate- repeat or reiterate a word, typically for emphasis
I actually started out the month with a date with J, at Port Royale. I guess we could call it a date. He wasn't sure, so he brought a friend. Then, because I hadn't eaten, I got pretty sick (not sick vomiting but blood sugar sick) from the 2 whiskey sours I drank and J accompanied me to McDonald's, where I got some fries. I would have actually had another date this month too, but I got accidentally stood up. I really know how to get back in the dating world!
Full list here
Saturday, November 27, 2010
whisper in my ear
I've been half considering starting some sort of blog/tumblr/twitter/socialmediajumbliation to give short accounts of weird things that have been said/have happened to me in amorous situations. This probably won't come to fruition because I tend to have a bad case of posting remorse and a well-honed sense of guilt when it comes to posting potentially hurtful things about people.
In lieu, here's my current favorite thing that's been said to me (during a make out session):
"What ethnicity are you?"
It was actually kind of flattering, in context but I like it as a stand-alone comment.
Unrelated: I have a bad habit of vaguely looking up and half-smiling when I notice people in my periphery. I say bad habit because, while polite, it more often than not leads to me making inappropriate eye contact. In the last hour, I've been winked at and gotten an incredulous look. Last week at work, I caught a guy scratching his crotch. We were both mortified.
In lieu, here's my current favorite thing that's been said to me (during a make out session):
"What ethnicity are you?"
It was actually kind of flattering, in context but I like it as a stand-alone comment.
Unrelated: I have a bad habit of vaguely looking up and half-smiling when I notice people in my periphery. I say bad habit because, while polite, it more often than not leads to me making inappropriate eye contact. In the last hour, I've been winked at and gotten an incredulous look. Last week at work, I caught a guy scratching his crotch. We were both mortified.
Friday, November 19, 2010
pacing
Good things right now:
-People who love me and who I love
-A decided lack of cynicism
-Money
-A lot of fun lately
-New friends
-Independent study option for lit crit
-Weight loss, despite my crap eating habits lately
-Writing
-Job
-Lots of plans with friends in the very near future
Bad things right now:
-A lot of school work to do
-Never enough money
-Never enough time
-Flaky skin
This is a good pace.
-People who love me and who I love
-A decided lack of cynicism
-Money
-A lot of fun lately
-New friends
-Independent study option for lit crit
-Weight loss, despite my crap eating habits lately
-Writing
-Job
-Lots of plans with friends in the very near future
Bad things right now:
-A lot of school work to do
-Never enough money
-Never enough time
-Flaky skin
This is a good pace.
Monday, November 15, 2010
who knows?
Gaev: You'll die, all the same.
Trofimov: Who knows? And what does it mean--you'll die? Perhaps a man has a hundred senses, and when he dies only the five known to us are destroyed and the remaining ninety-five are left alive.
Chekhov- "The Cherry Orchard"
Trofimov: Who knows? And what does it mean--you'll die? Perhaps a man has a hundred senses, and when he dies only the five known to us are destroyed and the remaining ninety-five are left alive.
Chekhov- "The Cherry Orchard"
Sunday, November 14, 2010
hip as fuck
Ann:but yeah, you're pretty much a hipster
as defined by clothes, haircut, and music
i think
Me:hahhahaa obviously
I guess. I like indie bands and I have bangs
Ann:YES
Me:clothes might be questionable
Ann:HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i am lolling
Me:hahahaha
Ann:YES YES
Me:I have thrift store dresses
as defined by clothes, haircut, and music
i think
Me:hahhahaa obviously
I guess. I like indie bands and I have bangs
Ann:YES
Me:clothes might be questionable
Ann:HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i am lolling
Me:hahahaha
Ann:YES YES
Me:I have thrift store dresses
Friday, November 12, 2010
motivational speaker
R: so i got really depressed last night. "we make our own gravity to give weight to things, and then things fall and then they break and gravity sings" showed up in my feed as one of ___ statuses
i googled it and realized it was an ani song that you listened to a lot while we were breaking up
hour follows hour or something
me: yeah
I'm sorry
R: it's ok
not your fault or anything
me: I will say, it was a song I listened to because it made me feel better about the breakup
R: just an association
me: its one of those "no one's fault" songs
R: that's what songs are for
me: yeah
R: it's a pretty song
(...)
me: I liked the line "the most we can do is see each other through it"
you know, not to be...callous? but it's weird for me to hear that you were depressed
not that I don't think the breakup didn't affect you
(...)
me: but you're a lot more stoic than me and I'm not used to the idea of you getting depressed
and it kind of surprised me for a second, the idea that you might still get sad about it even though I still do and that's kind of obvious
I never really realized how much that song resonated for me until I just listened to it again.
Hour Follows Hour
Hour follows hour like water follows water
Everything is governed by the rule that one thing leads to another
You can't really place blame, 'cause blame is much too messy
Someone was bound to get it on you while you were trying to put it on me.
And don't fool yourself into thinking things are simple
Nobody's lying, still the stories don't line up
Why do you try to hold on to what you'll never get a hold on
You wouldn't try and put the ocean in a paper cup
'Cause I have had something to prove
As long as I know there's something that needs improvement
And you know that every time I move
I make a woman's movement
And first you decide what you've gotta do
and then you go out and do it
And maybe the most that we can do
is to see each other through it
Hour follows hour like water in a river
And from one to the next, we don't know what each hour will deliver
We just call it like we see it, call out loud as we can
And then afterwards we call it all water over the dam
Maybe the moral high ground isn't as high as it seems
Maybe we are both good people whove done some bad things
I just hope it was okay, I know it wasn't perfect
I just hope in the end we can laugh and say it was all worth it
'Cause I have had something to prove
As long as I know there's something that needs improvement
And you know that every time I move
I make a woman's movement
And first you decide what you've gotta do
and then you go out and do it
And maybe the most that we can do
is to see each other through it
We make our own gravity to give weight to things
Then things fall and they break and gravity sings
We can only hold so much, is what I figure
We try and keep our eye on the big picture
And the picture keeps getting bigger
And too much is how I love you but too well is how I know you
And I've got nothing to prove this time, just something to show you
I guess I just wanted you to see
That it was all worth it to me
i googled it and realized it was an ani song that you listened to a lot while we were breaking up
hour follows hour or something
me: yeah
I'm sorry
R: it's ok
not your fault or anything
me: I will say, it was a song I listened to because it made me feel better about the breakup
R: just an association
me: its one of those "no one's fault" songs
R: that's what songs are for
me: yeah
R: it's a pretty song
(...)
me: I liked the line "the most we can do is see each other through it"
you know, not to be...callous? but it's weird for me to hear that you were depressed
not that I don't think the breakup didn't affect you
(...)
me: but you're a lot more stoic than me and I'm not used to the idea of you getting depressed
and it kind of surprised me for a second, the idea that you might still get sad about it even though I still do and that's kind of obvious
I never really realized how much that song resonated for me until I just listened to it again.
Hour Follows Hour
Hour follows hour like water follows water
Everything is governed by the rule that one thing leads to another
You can't really place blame, 'cause blame is much too messy
Someone was bound to get it on you while you were trying to put it on me.
And don't fool yourself into thinking things are simple
Nobody's lying, still the stories don't line up
Why do you try to hold on to what you'll never get a hold on
You wouldn't try and put the ocean in a paper cup
'Cause I have had something to prove
As long as I know there's something that needs improvement
And you know that every time I move
I make a woman's movement
And first you decide what you've gotta do
and then you go out and do it
And maybe the most that we can do
is to see each other through it
Hour follows hour like water in a river
And from one to the next, we don't know what each hour will deliver
We just call it like we see it, call out loud as we can
And then afterwards we call it all water over the dam
Maybe the moral high ground isn't as high as it seems
Maybe we are both good people whove done some bad things
I just hope it was okay, I know it wasn't perfect
I just hope in the end we can laugh and say it was all worth it
'Cause I have had something to prove
As long as I know there's something that needs improvement
And you know that every time I move
I make a woman's movement
And first you decide what you've gotta do
and then you go out and do it
And maybe the most that we can do
is to see each other through it
We make our own gravity to give weight to things
Then things fall and they break and gravity sings
We can only hold so much, is what I figure
We try and keep our eye on the big picture
And the picture keeps getting bigger
And too much is how I love you but too well is how I know you
And I've got nothing to prove this time, just something to show you
I guess I just wanted you to see
That it was all worth it to me
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