I've been listening to Fleetwood Mac's "Silver Springs" all day today. It's been a harrowing day. Blair and I broke up. And while I know it's for the best, it's still shitty and sad and I feel guilty and awful about it.
But, after it happened, I took a 9 mile bike ride, circling twice through Audubon park while listening to some Broken Social Scene, which did a lot to put me in a better frame of mind. Speaking of, I got a new bike (did I mention my old one was stolen? Yeah. I hope I have better luck with this one.):
Her name is Heloise :)
So, other than that, it's been an interesting month. I've been drinking far far too much--I threw back a bottle of wine just last night and that's probably the 5th one in a week and a half period, in addition to numerous other drinks. I flew to Chicago to ride with Erin to Mike's wedding in Columbus. The wedding ceremony was absolutely beautiful, a perfect celebration of Mike and Jarod's love and commitment to one another, as well as their quirkiness. There was a blessing by their parents, someone read a Neil Gaiman poem, a gay mens' choir sang and the entire thing was held on a farm. I cried throughout, partly from the beauty and partly from a deep sense of sadness that there are still so many fucking people out there who want to legislate who we're allowed to love and spend the rest of our lives with, who hate people like my beautiful amazing friends purely because of the love they share between one another.
But much as I loved seeing Mike, I have to admit that it was seeing Erin that was really the highlight of my trip. There are some people that you just fall in with, like you never left, no matter how long its been. Erin and I have that kind of friendship. We were driving back to Chicago from Columbus and I mentioned that to her and she said, "You know, I was thinking that too. Like, when Mike told me he was getting married, there was no question that I'd be there. It'd be the same for you. It's just that kind of friendship." On the way back, we detoured into Michigan, because Indiana is the most boring drive ever (except for Missouri) and we ate at a Buffalo Wild Wings, because we have an infatuation with this news story. We hung out late into the night, drinking honey bourbon on her balcony and catching up and just being with her made me feel right minded again. Maybe I just needed a change of scenery or maybe I needed her advice, but I felt so much clearer after we talked.
Female relationships are so strange to me. I get along really well with guys and, for a long time, they were the ones I made lasting friendships with. But I have these really intense female relationships with Erin and Christie and Alyson and it's almost a feeling that goes beyond any definition of friendship, any verbalizing of "best friends". I feel like those two people can see straight through me sometimes, that they can read my mind. And reminding myself of those connections is almost overwhelming. I mostly come away feeling gratitude to have people like them in my life.