Showing posts with label gone to look for america. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gone to look for america. Show all posts
Monday, March 25, 2013
peeks
As noted in the previous post, life has been busy and unsettled, so I haven't had time for the blog (also why you haven't seen a 101 in 1001 post in awhile...I'll be doing the list wrap-up this weekend!). In the meantime, here's what the month of March has looked like:
E, A, M, Richie, and I (with a few other strangers) went to Serendipity for Eric's birthday and had three cheese platters, including this birthday one.
Much-anticipated Indian Potluck for the Around the World potlucks.
Helping out Richie and his stepdad at work. I sanded the shit out of some doors and baseboards.
A wealth of St. Patrick's day cabbages. One of these cabbages is not real. Another of these cabbages is actually a Moon Pie.
Resting in my hotel room after a whirlwind day of two flights to Chicago, a business reception, 4 glasses of wine + a cheese platter + a pitcher of sangria with Erin, and a high of 28.
Annual photograph with Erin :) Except this year's will be bi-annual because I'll be back in Chicago for her October wedding! (SQUEE.)
Enjoying Louisiana warmth with Lianna at The Fly.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
better late than never
Shortly after I posted my last post, my laptop charger broke. Between that, lots of stuff going on at work, and a pile of reading I wanted to catch up on, I've neglected the blog.
At this point, I think writing an exhaustive breakdown of the Chicago trip probably isn't worth it. So, the short version is this:
The Amtrak ride up to Chicago was great and really comfortable. I did a lot of reading and writing. AWP was amazing and inspirational (more on that in a second) and seeing Margaret Atwood was totally worth the trip by itself. I bought lots of records and books and my checked luggage was 49 pounds. Erin, Mike, and I ate a lot of amazing food (pastries, popcorn, hot dogs, tacos, Ethiopian, waffles, cheese, sausage, quince jelly) and I drank a magnum of pink moscato champagne over the course of three evenings, because I'm classy. I thanked God every day for Chicago's freakishly warm winter that ensured I did not have to deal with anything except the smallest of snow flurries during my visit. I do not deal well with extreme cold. It was a pretty perfect trip, getting to see two of my best friends (twice in one year!) and visiting one of my favorite cities.
Onto the inspirational part of AWP. Two of the goals on my 101 in 1001 list are to submit seven poems for publication and write two non-fiction pieces. I wrote those goals and then avoided them. Mostly because I just didn't feel like a writer anymore. Writing without a goal felt pointless and the goal of publication felt...silly. Calling myself a writer just because I have a BA in creative writing felt overblown to me. Egotistical. Obviously, this is partly an issue of semantics, but there it is.
AWP inspired me to write again. Being around other writers, talking to them, reading them, talking to people who run lit mags...all of it reminded me of how happy writing creatively makes me. I miss crafting poems, connecting moments for non-fiction pieces, writing in a non-academic way. I went around talking to a number of lit mag representatives and found that a lot of them are looking to publish more non-fiction. I got copies of journals and I've been reading them. Last night, I finally had a break in my mental block and I wrote for almost two straight hours. At the end, I had two non-fiction pieces and two poems. All in need of editing, but that's more creative writing than I've done in the past four years.
I made some decisions while I was at AWP. Or, if you prefer, confirmations. I'm going to keep reading and writing non-fiction pieces. I am going to send them to various outlets and try to get published. I want to eventually get good enough and have enough of a reputation to put together a small collection, to be published by a small publishing house. I would also like to publish another (non-creative writing) book, but that's a topic I'm a little too nervous to talk about just yet. :) I want to start writing more, creatively and for hire. To that end, I've emailed my editor at GoodNola and ended my self-imposed hiatus. I've put out feelers (and gotten some responses) about doing paid freelancing.
And, I am revamping this blog. I've already purchased a domain name and I'm in the process of moving the blog to Wordpress. Not all of the entries here will be moved there--some are much too personal for the more public face I want for the new blog. I want to start updating at least twice a week and, ideally, daily. I need to be writing more in general if I want to write more creatively. Right now, my words still feel hampered. I have difficulty expressing my more abstract thoughts sometimes and I fall back on words like "kind of" and "just" that really don't express anything. Writing more helps refine that sort of thing. I also want my name out there in a more public way so I have a public face to point to if I pursue publishing.
All of this is a little scary. I've mentioned here before that I hadn't really considered a life outside of academia. That's always been my goal. That goal has to be reconsidered now, not just because of Ph.D programs, not just because of the terrible economy for academics, but because it has slowly dawned on me that teaching English may not be what I want to do with the rest of my life. It isn't what I want to do anymore. There's no set path ahead anymore. So, for now, I'm going to pursue those things that make me happy and see where that takes me.
At this point, I think writing an exhaustive breakdown of the Chicago trip probably isn't worth it. So, the short version is this:
The Amtrak ride up to Chicago was great and really comfortable. I did a lot of reading and writing. AWP was amazing and inspirational (more on that in a second) and seeing Margaret Atwood was totally worth the trip by itself. I bought lots of records and books and my checked luggage was 49 pounds. Erin, Mike, and I ate a lot of amazing food (pastries, popcorn, hot dogs, tacos, Ethiopian, waffles, cheese, sausage, quince jelly) and I drank a magnum of pink moscato champagne over the course of three evenings, because I'm classy. I thanked God every day for Chicago's freakishly warm winter that ensured I did not have to deal with anything except the smallest of snow flurries during my visit. I do not deal well with extreme cold. It was a pretty perfect trip, getting to see two of my best friends (twice in one year!) and visiting one of my favorite cities.
 | ||||||||
| Posing with a festive cow in my cat dress |
 | |||||||||||||||
| Margaret Atwood! |
 | |
| Giant stack of lit mags I hauled home |
 |
| Hot dogs! Chili cheese (T) and Chicago-style (B) |
 | ||||||
| Friends :) |
Onto the inspirational part of AWP. Two of the goals on my 101 in 1001 list are to submit seven poems for publication and write two non-fiction pieces. I wrote those goals and then avoided them. Mostly because I just didn't feel like a writer anymore. Writing without a goal felt pointless and the goal of publication felt...silly. Calling myself a writer just because I have a BA in creative writing felt overblown to me. Egotistical. Obviously, this is partly an issue of semantics, but there it is.
AWP inspired me to write again. Being around other writers, talking to them, reading them, talking to people who run lit mags...all of it reminded me of how happy writing creatively makes me. I miss crafting poems, connecting moments for non-fiction pieces, writing in a non-academic way. I went around talking to a number of lit mag representatives and found that a lot of them are looking to publish more non-fiction. I got copies of journals and I've been reading them. Last night, I finally had a break in my mental block and I wrote for almost two straight hours. At the end, I had two non-fiction pieces and two poems. All in need of editing, but that's more creative writing than I've done in the past four years.
I made some decisions while I was at AWP. Or, if you prefer, confirmations. I'm going to keep reading and writing non-fiction pieces. I am going to send them to various outlets and try to get published. I want to eventually get good enough and have enough of a reputation to put together a small collection, to be published by a small publishing house. I would also like to publish another (non-creative writing) book, but that's a topic I'm a little too nervous to talk about just yet. :) I want to start writing more, creatively and for hire. To that end, I've emailed my editor at GoodNola and ended my self-imposed hiatus. I've put out feelers (and gotten some responses) about doing paid freelancing.
And, I am revamping this blog. I've already purchased a domain name and I'm in the process of moving the blog to Wordpress. Not all of the entries here will be moved there--some are much too personal for the more public face I want for the new blog. I want to start updating at least twice a week and, ideally, daily. I need to be writing more in general if I want to write more creatively. Right now, my words still feel hampered. I have difficulty expressing my more abstract thoughts sometimes and I fall back on words like "kind of" and "just" that really don't express anything. Writing more helps refine that sort of thing. I also want my name out there in a more public way so I have a public face to point to if I pursue publishing.
All of this is a little scary. I've mentioned here before that I hadn't really considered a life outside of academia. That's always been my goal. That goal has to be reconsidered now, not just because of Ph.D programs, not just because of the terrible economy for academics, but because it has slowly dawned on me that teaching English may not be what I want to do with the rest of my life. It isn't what I want to do anymore. There's no set path ahead anymore. So, for now, I'm going to pursue those things that make me happy and see where that takes me.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
"let me stay, please"
I'll post a write up about Chicago later, but for now, this pretty much sums it up:
 |
| Some of the people I love the most + cat print dress. |
Thursday, February 23, 2012
"but you'll fight and you'll make it through/ you'll fake it if you have to"
I didn't mean to take nearly a month's hiatus from the blog, but life has been so busy lately. Plus, I'm sure no one minded :)
Things have been a little tumultuous lately. As it stands today, I've received three letters of rejection from programs: OSU, Vanderbilt, and Rutgers. OSU was a blow for me; I was really hoping to get into that program. Still waiting to hear from LSU, Stanford and Indiana. Before I sent in apps last semester, one of my professors told me that a longer wait is not a bad thing--it usually means they're still considering your application instead of outright rejecting it. I'm holding out hope that this is the case for Stanford. It probably isn't--they probably just have a billion applications to sort through--but a girl can dream, can't she?
I also, after much consideration and a long talk with my adviser, decided to nix the thesis. In the end, I think I could have done it, but I would have been insane trying to squeeze in a thesis between work, carnival season, Chicago/AWP. The sheer volume of work I'd have to do in a month, even barring those extras, would have been incredible. And I decided, and supported in this decision by Tom, that I didn't want to write something hurriedly and end up publishing something that I wasn't 100% proud of writing. I'm still a little bummed about the way things played out, but also admittedly relieved that I've been able to have a free semester. I've been reading a LOT (I'm caught up on #19 on the list!), I went to TWENTY Mardi Gras parades, I saw lots of friends, I've had time to clean my house and watch movies and be a little lazy, which has been a rare luxary over the past two years. I feel good about what I did--I finished my MLA in a year and a half. I'm graduating with a 3.95 GPA. I learned a lot and made an amazing friend. And now I just want a little time to enjoy New Orleans some more, especially if it might be my last time for a long time to live here.
In addition to the above, and maybe because of in some sense, I've also been fighting some depressive episodes this month. When I first started this entry a few days ago, I was listening to this Rilo Kiley song on repeat in an effort to remind myself that I've gotten to a place in life where I know how to fight those situations. This has just been a tough one. I've had multiple anxiety attacks this month. I've been trying to center myself with balanced friend and alone time, cooking, cuddling with the cat, and whiskey. The last in moderation. Mostly.
But, all in all, it's been a fairly good month. Mardi Gras was a blast (excepting the actual day, which was awful for me for reasons I don't want to go into here), I ran around in a leather corset and a tutu, I saw friends, I got a Zulu coconut, my friend got engaged, Richie made me an AMAZING Valentine's Day dinner (seared scallops on garlic butter angel hair, followed by duck breast topped with a cream and Abita Amber reduction, on a bed of pureed turnips and garlic sauteed kale) and I made him one of the best cakes I've ever made--a double layered red velvet cake with a layer of cheesecake in the middle. I'm ready to round out the month with a train ride to Chicago, panels on writing, playing in one of my favorite cities and spending a week with some of my very favorite people.
and sometimes when you're on
you're really fucking on
and your friends they sing along and they love you
but the lows are so extreme
and your friends they sing along and they love you
but the lows are so extreme
that the good seems fucking cheap
and it teases you for weeks in its absence
but you'll fight and you'll make it through
you'll fake it if you have to
and you'll show up for work with a smile
and you'll be be better and you'll be smarter
and more grown up and a better daughter
or son and a real good friend
and you'll be awake, you'll be alert
you'll be positive though it hurts
and you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
and you'll be a real good listener
you'll be honest, you'll be brave
you'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
you'll be happy
and it teases you for weeks in its absence
but you'll fight and you'll make it through
you'll fake it if you have to
and you'll show up for work with a smile
and you'll be be better and you'll be smarter
and more grown up and a better daughter
or son and a real good friend
and you'll be awake, you'll be alert
you'll be positive though it hurts
and you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
and you'll be a real good listener
you'll be honest, you'll be brave
you'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
you'll be happy
Thursday, November 3, 2011
a collection of tiny stories
The Perils of Jungle Juice
On the 22nd, I went to a friend's costume party and there was a large bowl of "Witches' Brew." I had two large cups on an empty stomach, followed by a beer. Then I drove to the Quarter to go pick Richie up, but his phone was dead and after an hour of waiting for him, I angrily went home and locked the deadbolt, because I am vindictive. He came home via taxi (turns out we'd just missed one another and he'd been in a cab for awhile) while I was in the midst of removing my makeup. He started knocking on the door and as I walked into the living room to go unlock the door, I realized I was going to be sick. So I ran to the door, slamming my leg into a side table in the process (resulting in a really beautiful bruise), unlocked it and yelled "I'M SICK" in response to his "what the fuck is wrong with you?" He followed me into the bathroom and held my hair and stroked my shoulder and gave me water while I asked him to go away. Then he put me to bed and asked me if I wanted a PB&J. I said yes, then promptly fell asleep. He found me asleep, ate my sandwich and also went to bed. I woke up around 2am, feeling dismal and looking for my sandwich.
Fall Festivities
Jason, Lianna and I carved pumpkins and drank pumpkin beer in a non-ironic festive way. Jason carved a yin yang, Lianna carved a TV and I carved a martini glass and a bottle because I'm a drunk.
Voodoo Hoodoo
I went to Voodoo all three days. On Friday, Eddie and I biked there and saw Ani Difranco, Band of Horses and Soundgarden. All were great shows.
Saturday, I went alone and caught a bounce show, Social Distortion, Snoop Dogg (with Mystikal) and Blink 182. Blink's set kind of sucked, was full of inane dick jokes and I left halfway through, after my inner 14 year old was mostly satisfied (I really only wanted to hear "Dammit" and they didn't play it before I left). I admittedly teared up slightly during this set, despite it sucking, because it made me think of when Candace and I used to blast Enema of the State in her backyard and sit upside down on her swing and sing the lyrics to her next door neighbor (the crush of my teenage life). I biked back to Richie's, where I'd left the truck and as I was tying up my bike, two gay guys approached me and asked me if I'd give them a ride to Palmer Park. I was kind of hesitant at first, but I figured what the hell and let them in. They invited me to a party, but I politely declined.
On Sunday, I went with Richie and Matt. We saw Dr. John, then met up with Lianna at TV on the Radio (fantastic show). The boys left to go see The Meters, while Lianna and I caught the rest of TVotR, grabbed food and went to see The Clash. We wandered over to catch the end of The Meters set, met up with the boys to see The Ranconteurs. I got pretty high during the TVotR show and I started getting kind of paranoid during The Ranconteurs, but Richie and Lianna calmed me down (I'm not good at being high. I either get stupid silly or paranoid.) Richie and I went to Finn's afterward and got drinks that I almost fell asleep in, because I'd only had 4 hours of bad sleep.
Frenchman Follies
On Saturday night, post-festival, I got dressed up in voodoo doll drag and Matt and I headed down to the Marigny. We met up with friends at Mojito's, started drinking a lot. I had a brief blood sugar episode, which passed when I found a muffin. We went to The John and there was a boyfriend/girlfriend incident that culminated in the decision that everyone needed to eat, which is how we ended up at some hot sausage place on St. Claude at 3am, eating poboys and taking ridiculous and cute pictures. Then we walked over to Big Daddy's to play pool and finally ended the night at Mimi's until dawn. Richie and I ate more PB&J in bed (it's kind of a thing), before falling into some really bad sleep. We finally got out of bed around 1, coffee'd up and headed back to Voodoo.
T.C. Obsession
I've been reading T.C. Boyle's The Women. I really ought to know better than to pick up a Boyle book while I have other pressing matters to attend to, because he always sucks me in. I started it because I didn't want to be bored between shows at Voodoo. Richie said, "You're going to a festival with tens of thousands of people and you're going to be the one reading a book?" I replied, "I don't think you understand how antisocial I really am with strangers."
So now I'm toting the book everywhere, reading it until 2am and it reminded me of the first time I ever read Boyle. It was "Greasy Lake" in my high school English class and I was so taken with it that I went to Barnes and Noble that weekend and bought every collection of his short stories, which cost around $80. I remember being worried that I was spending that much but then I went to the car and started reading at stoplights on the way home and forgot all about it.
Trains and Planes
Mike posted on FB that he's going to AWP and staying with Erin in Chicago. I've wanted to go to AWP every year and I was toying with the idea when I saw that Margaret Atwood is the keynote this year. That settled it for me. I signed up to volunteer at the event, to get my registration covered, then I started looking into flights. They were about $350 round trip, which is way more than what I wanted to spend. Then I checked out Amtrak. I ended up booking a train passage, leaving New Orleans on Feb 28 and arriving in Chicago the next day at 9am. (I'm taking a one-way flight back to NOLA that Sunday...still cheaper than round-trip flight). I'm really really excited--I've never been on a train and we're going to go through Memphis. I was thinking about bringing some 1920's lit to read on the ride, until I remembered that I will be deep into the thesis at that point, so fun reading will probably turn out to be something like Halberstam's Female Masculinity. Ah well. Train! Atwood! Friends! Chicago!
On the 22nd, I went to a friend's costume party and there was a large bowl of "Witches' Brew." I had two large cups on an empty stomach, followed by a beer. Then I drove to the Quarter to go pick Richie up, but his phone was dead and after an hour of waiting for him, I angrily went home and locked the deadbolt, because I am vindictive. He came home via taxi (turns out we'd just missed one another and he'd been in a cab for awhile) while I was in the midst of removing my makeup. He started knocking on the door and as I walked into the living room to go unlock the door, I realized I was going to be sick. So I ran to the door, slamming my leg into a side table in the process (resulting in a really beautiful bruise), unlocked it and yelled "I'M SICK" in response to his "what the fuck is wrong with you?" He followed me into the bathroom and held my hair and stroked my shoulder and gave me water while I asked him to go away. Then he put me to bed and asked me if I wanted a PB&J. I said yes, then promptly fell asleep. He found me asleep, ate my sandwich and also went to bed. I woke up around 2am, feeling dismal and looking for my sandwich.
Fall Festivities
Jason, Lianna and I carved pumpkins and drank pumpkin beer in a non-ironic festive way. Jason carved a yin yang, Lianna carved a TV and I carved a martini glass and a bottle because I'm a drunk.
Voodoo Hoodoo
I went to Voodoo all three days. On Friday, Eddie and I biked there and saw Ani Difranco, Band of Horses and Soundgarden. All were great shows.
Saturday, I went alone and caught a bounce show, Social Distortion, Snoop Dogg (with Mystikal) and Blink 182. Blink's set kind of sucked, was full of inane dick jokes and I left halfway through, after my inner 14 year old was mostly satisfied (I really only wanted to hear "Dammit" and they didn't play it before I left). I admittedly teared up slightly during this set, despite it sucking, because it made me think of when Candace and I used to blast Enema of the State in her backyard and sit upside down on her swing and sing the lyrics to her next door neighbor (the crush of my teenage life). I biked back to Richie's, where I'd left the truck and as I was tying up my bike, two gay guys approached me and asked me if I'd give them a ride to Palmer Park. I was kind of hesitant at first, but I figured what the hell and let them in. They invited me to a party, but I politely declined.
On Sunday, I went with Richie and Matt. We saw Dr. John, then met up with Lianna at TV on the Radio (fantastic show). The boys left to go see The Meters, while Lianna and I caught the rest of TVotR, grabbed food and went to see The Clash. We wandered over to catch the end of The Meters set, met up with the boys to see The Ranconteurs. I got pretty high during the TVotR show and I started getting kind of paranoid during The Ranconteurs, but Richie and Lianna calmed me down (I'm not good at being high. I either get stupid silly or paranoid.) Richie and I went to Finn's afterward and got drinks that I almost fell asleep in, because I'd only had 4 hours of bad sleep.
Frenchman Follies
On Saturday night, post-festival, I got dressed up in voodoo doll drag and Matt and I headed down to the Marigny. We met up with friends at Mojito's, started drinking a lot. I had a brief blood sugar episode, which passed when I found a muffin. We went to The John and there was a boyfriend/girlfriend incident that culminated in the decision that everyone needed to eat, which is how we ended up at some hot sausage place on St. Claude at 3am, eating poboys and taking ridiculous and cute pictures. Then we walked over to Big Daddy's to play pool and finally ended the night at Mimi's until dawn. Richie and I ate more PB&J in bed (it's kind of a thing), before falling into some really bad sleep. We finally got out of bed around 1, coffee'd up and headed back to Voodoo.
T.C. Obsession
I've been reading T.C. Boyle's The Women. I really ought to know better than to pick up a Boyle book while I have other pressing matters to attend to, because he always sucks me in. I started it because I didn't want to be bored between shows at Voodoo. Richie said, "You're going to a festival with tens of thousands of people and you're going to be the one reading a book?" I replied, "I don't think you understand how antisocial I really am with strangers."
So now I'm toting the book everywhere, reading it until 2am and it reminded me of the first time I ever read Boyle. It was "Greasy Lake" in my high school English class and I was so taken with it that I went to Barnes and Noble that weekend and bought every collection of his short stories, which cost around $80. I remember being worried that I was spending that much but then I went to the car and started reading at stoplights on the way home and forgot all about it.
Trains and Planes
Mike posted on FB that he's going to AWP and staying with Erin in Chicago. I've wanted to go to AWP every year and I was toying with the idea when I saw that Margaret Atwood is the keynote this year. That settled it for me. I signed up to volunteer at the event, to get my registration covered, then I started looking into flights. They were about $350 round trip, which is way more than what I wanted to spend. Then I checked out Amtrak. I ended up booking a train passage, leaving New Orleans on Feb 28 and arriving in Chicago the next day at 9am. (I'm taking a one-way flight back to NOLA that Sunday...still cheaper than round-trip flight). I'm really really excited--I've never been on a train and we're going to go through Memphis. I was thinking about bringing some 1920's lit to read on the ride, until I remembered that I will be deep into the thesis at that point, so fun reading will probably turn out to be something like Halberstam's Female Masculinity. Ah well. Train! Atwood! Friends! Chicago!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
full of love.
I've been listening to Fleetwood Mac's "Silver Springs" all day today. It's been a harrowing day. Blair and I broke up. And while I know it's for the best, it's still shitty and sad and I feel guilty and awful about it.
But, after it happened, I took a 9 mile bike ride, circling twice through Audubon park while listening to some Broken Social Scene, which did a lot to put me in a better frame of mind. Speaking of, I got a new bike (did I mention my old one was stolen? Yeah. I hope I have better luck with this one.):
Her name is Heloise :)
So, other than that, it's been an interesting month. I've been drinking far far too much--I threw back a bottle of wine just last night and that's probably the 5th one in a week and a half period, in addition to numerous other drinks. I flew to Chicago to ride with Erin to Mike's wedding in Columbus. The wedding ceremony was absolutely beautiful, a perfect celebration of Mike and Jarod's love and commitment to one another, as well as their quirkiness. There was a blessing by their parents, someone read a Neil Gaiman poem, a gay mens' choir sang and the entire thing was held on a farm. I cried throughout, partly from the beauty and partly from a deep sense of sadness that there are still so many fucking people out there who want to legislate who we're allowed to love and spend the rest of our lives with, who hate people like my beautiful amazing friends purely because of the love they share between one another.
But much as I loved seeing Mike, I have to admit that it was seeing Erin that was really the highlight of my trip. There are some people that you just fall in with, like you never left, no matter how long its been. Erin and I have that kind of friendship. We were driving back to Chicago from Columbus and I mentioned that to her and she said, "You know, I was thinking that too. Like, when Mike told me he was getting married, there was no question that I'd be there. It'd be the same for you. It's just that kind of friendship." On the way back, we detoured into Michigan, because Indiana is the most boring drive ever (except for Missouri) and we ate at a Buffalo Wild Wings, because we have an infatuation with this news story. We hung out late into the night, drinking honey bourbon on her balcony and catching up and just being with her made me feel right minded again. Maybe I just needed a change of scenery or maybe I needed her advice, but I felt so much clearer after we talked.
Female relationships are so strange to me. I get along really well with guys and, for a long time, they were the ones I made lasting friendships with. But I have these really intense female relationships with Erin and Christie and Alyson and it's almost a feeling that goes beyond any definition of friendship, any verbalizing of "best friends". I feel like those two people can see straight through me sometimes, that they can read my mind. And reminding myself of those connections is almost overwhelming. I mostly come away feeling gratitude to have people like them in my life.
Erin and I, pre-rehearsal dinner.
Me, Mike and Erin at the rehearsal dinner.
Me, sloshed after the dinner. Yay, wine.
My favorite image from the wedding.
Obligatory kiss photo!
Mike and me dancing :)
But, after it happened, I took a 9 mile bike ride, circling twice through Audubon park while listening to some Broken Social Scene, which did a lot to put me in a better frame of mind. Speaking of, I got a new bike (did I mention my old one was stolen? Yeah. I hope I have better luck with this one.):
Her name is Heloise :)
So, other than that, it's been an interesting month. I've been drinking far far too much--I threw back a bottle of wine just last night and that's probably the 5th one in a week and a half period, in addition to numerous other drinks. I flew to Chicago to ride with Erin to Mike's wedding in Columbus. The wedding ceremony was absolutely beautiful, a perfect celebration of Mike and Jarod's love and commitment to one another, as well as their quirkiness. There was a blessing by their parents, someone read a Neil Gaiman poem, a gay mens' choir sang and the entire thing was held on a farm. I cried throughout, partly from the beauty and partly from a deep sense of sadness that there are still so many fucking people out there who want to legislate who we're allowed to love and spend the rest of our lives with, who hate people like my beautiful amazing friends purely because of the love they share between one another.
But much as I loved seeing Mike, I have to admit that it was seeing Erin that was really the highlight of my trip. There are some people that you just fall in with, like you never left, no matter how long its been. Erin and I have that kind of friendship. We were driving back to Chicago from Columbus and I mentioned that to her and she said, "You know, I was thinking that too. Like, when Mike told me he was getting married, there was no question that I'd be there. It'd be the same for you. It's just that kind of friendship." On the way back, we detoured into Michigan, because Indiana is the most boring drive ever (except for Missouri) and we ate at a Buffalo Wild Wings, because we have an infatuation with this news story. We hung out late into the night, drinking honey bourbon on her balcony and catching up and just being with her made me feel right minded again. Maybe I just needed a change of scenery or maybe I needed her advice, but I felt so much clearer after we talked.
Female relationships are so strange to me. I get along really well with guys and, for a long time, they were the ones I made lasting friendships with. But I have these really intense female relationships with Erin and Christie and Alyson and it's almost a feeling that goes beyond any definition of friendship, any verbalizing of "best friends". I feel like those two people can see straight through me sometimes, that they can read my mind. And reminding myself of those connections is almost overwhelming. I mostly come away feeling gratitude to have people like them in my life.
Friday, July 15, 2011
you can never stop and see/ what you're doing to me
Being back in Chicago, especially being here without Ravi, has produced feelings so overwhelming that I'm almost in tears on the L.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
2010 highs and lows
This is a post I meant to make before the new year but, obviously, did not do.
In 2010:
-Ravi's practice space (The Caterie) burned down New Years' Day and resulted in instrument loss for about 9 bands
-Haiti earthquake
-The Saints won the Super Bowl
-Erin and I visited Mike in Columbus (marking my first extended exposure to snow)
-Healthcare reform passed
-Had my wisdom teeth pulled
-Erin, Ravi and I went to New York for Becky and Dorian's wedding
-BP oil spill
-Ravi got into pharmacy school and I got into grad school
-Erin moved to Chicago
-Ravi and I went to Chicago for Pitchfork festival
-Got in a wreck
-Ravi and I broke up
-Quit my job at LCA
-Moved to New Orleans
-Was unemployed for 2.5 months and went through my savings
-Started first semester of grad school
-Got a paying job with Tulane Ortho and a non-paying job with goodnola.com
-Forced myself to conquer social anxiety and made some friends
-Turned 25
-Had a wee breakdown, brought on by stress, depression and exhaustion
-Recovered and drank sloe gin 'til the midnight hour
I keep talking about 2010 as a shitty year, because in a lot of ways it was for me--I exited this year broke, single and more than a little shaken. But I also had a lot of fun this year, met some really great people, reestablished and improved on some friendships, kissed a dude or two, (re)learned that I'm able to be self-sufficient and alone, and I'm living in a city that I enjoy. In a way, 2010 wasn't so much shitty as it was just hectic and full of upheaval, which was, occasionally, pretty overwhelming. I don't think there's ever been a year where I've challenged myself so much, but in the end, I think it's paid off. I feel less stagnant. As I told Christie earlier today, even in the worst parts of this year, I never regretted the choices I've made, because as hard as things have been, I feel like I'm on my way to being a lot happier with myself.
I think now the key is building on those things--doing more things that I want to do but have convinced myself that I can't for whatever reason (time, money, anxiety, etc.) I want to make more friends or at least meet people. I want to write poems (I got started for a bit but then stopped again when I became unhappy with what I was writing). I want to volunteer. I want to write and get paid for it. I want to make changes to my body that will make me happier with it. I want to get my health issues in order. I want to better stay abreast of politics. I want to go to a bar alone and not break into hives over it. I want to be more comfortable with the person I am, on my own terms.
I'd also like to stop being redundant, but that may not happen any time soon. :)
In 2010:
-Ravi's practice space (The Caterie) burned down New Years' Day and resulted in instrument loss for about 9 bands
-Haiti earthquake
-The Saints won the Super Bowl
-Erin and I visited Mike in Columbus (marking my first extended exposure to snow)
-Healthcare reform passed
-Had my wisdom teeth pulled
-Erin, Ravi and I went to New York for Becky and Dorian's wedding
-BP oil spill
-Ravi got into pharmacy school and I got into grad school
-Erin moved to Chicago
-Ravi and I went to Chicago for Pitchfork festival
-Got in a wreck
-Ravi and I broke up
-Quit my job at LCA
-Moved to New Orleans
-Was unemployed for 2.5 months and went through my savings
-Started first semester of grad school
-Got a paying job with Tulane Ortho and a non-paying job with goodnola.com
-Forced myself to conquer social anxiety and made some friends
-Turned 25
-Had a wee breakdown, brought on by stress, depression and exhaustion
-Recovered and drank sloe gin 'til the midnight hour
I keep talking about 2010 as a shitty year, because in a lot of ways it was for me--I exited this year broke, single and more than a little shaken. But I also had a lot of fun this year, met some really great people, reestablished and improved on some friendships, kissed a dude or two, (re)learned that I'm able to be self-sufficient and alone, and I'm living in a city that I enjoy. In a way, 2010 wasn't so much shitty as it was just hectic and full of upheaval, which was, occasionally, pretty overwhelming. I don't think there's ever been a year where I've challenged myself so much, but in the end, I think it's paid off. I feel less stagnant. As I told Christie earlier today, even in the worst parts of this year, I never regretted the choices I've made, because as hard as things have been, I feel like I'm on my way to being a lot happier with myself.
I think now the key is building on those things--doing more things that I want to do but have convinced myself that I can't for whatever reason (time, money, anxiety, etc.) I want to make more friends or at least meet people. I want to write poems (I got started for a bit but then stopped again when I became unhappy with what I was writing). I want to volunteer. I want to write and get paid for it. I want to make changes to my body that will make me happier with it. I want to get my health issues in order. I want to better stay abreast of politics. I want to go to a bar alone and not break into hives over it. I want to be more comfortable with the person I am, on my own terms.
I'd also like to stop being redundant, but that may not happen any time soon. :)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
chi-chi-chicago
Since I never ended up writing about my trip to NY (and probably never will because it'd be more effort than it's worth at this point), I decided to update about Chicago.
I'm up here for the Pitchfork Music Festival and to hang out with Erin. This is really the first time I've had to write, since we've been going the entire time we've been here. Ravi and I flew in on Thursday morning and we came to Erin's and had lunch at a strange little place called Chipmunks. Afterwards, Ravi and I went to the Lincoln Park Zoo and I finally got to meet my friends, Elis and Adam. I've been friends with Elis online for about...10 years and Adam (her husband) for about 8 years. We've tried to make arrangements to meet in the past and things have always fallen through, so I was pretty much beyond excited that this came through. It's a bit surreal to meet someone in person that you've known for such a long time, because I think there's a certain sense of expectation in the whole deal--how to act, what to say, etc. etc. We had a lot of fun though, touring the zoo and then walking around by Lake Michigan in this miserable heatwave that has hit Chicago. I was pretty unpleasantly surprised to step out of Midway and feel like I was back in Baton Rouge.
We only got a few hours with Elis and Adam, because everyone's schedules were tight but I'm really hoping I can come visit with them again. Or vice versa. Eventually they dropped us off (by this time, we'd also met up with Ravi's friend, Jeremy) at The Chicago Diner. I met back up with Erin and we had a drink at a local pub, before coming home to pass out.
Yesterday was The Art Institute (where I got some great postcards to frame), Exchequer Pub for deep dish pizza and then onto the festival for Broken Social Scene and Modest Mouse. I've never had a chance to see BSS live. It was a pretty great show, though I think I'd rather see them at a club if I ever got to do it again. But they played "Superconnected," "7/4 (Shoreline)," and "Fire Eye'd Boy" so I was happy. Modest Mouse kind of sucked, except when they played "Dashboard." I've never been a huge MM fan anyway and their disjointed, drunken-sounding set didn't do much to improve that opinion.
After the show, we went to Monk's Pub and met up with Erin. Monk's had a decent beer selection, but half the beers we wanted weren't actually available and I'm pretty sure the bartender was drunk. She charged all of our tabs incorrectly, checked on us maybe twice for the 2 hours we were there and fucked up Erin's beer when she poured it (note: holding the bottle above the glass and turning the bottle upside down is not how one pours a beer). But, I had some good beer (Urthel Hop-It and Goose Island Matilda) and got a good buzz.
I didn't buy tickets for the festival today, because I wanted to hang out with Erin. We had breakfast at Red Hen Bread, then walked to the farmer's market, stopping along the way at a thrift store to buy a shirt (me) and some jeans and dresses (Erin). We picked up some blueberries, walked home, siesta'd, then went to Threadless (I bought this), Reckless Records (where I got Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over the Sea, The Pixies Surfer Rosa, 2 Simon and Garfunkel albums and a Temptations' Greatest Hits compilation), and Binny's for beer and liquor that I can't get in BR. Later tonight, we're going see The Kids Are All Right at an indie theater, eat some Moroccan food and probably drink some beer. And possibly bemoan the amount of money spent and calories consumed since I've been here, but probably not because it's been worth it to me to have a good time and get some things that make me happy (and, in the case of the art, clothing and records, things that will continue to make me happy). Plus, we've done a lot of walking.
Tomorrow is more festival, with Pavement, Big Boi, St. Vincent and a few other groups that I may end up seeing. Also, brunch with another friend from BR. We fly out Monday evening, then it's back to the moving/working/searching for a job/breaking up/oh my god when will Tulane give me some funding?!/saying hello/goodbye grind. Which is also kind of fun.
Oh! This week's word is: Peregrinate- verb (archaic)- travel or wander around from place to place.
I'm up here for the Pitchfork Music Festival and to hang out with Erin. This is really the first time I've had to write, since we've been going the entire time we've been here. Ravi and I flew in on Thursday morning and we came to Erin's and had lunch at a strange little place called Chipmunks. Afterwards, Ravi and I went to the Lincoln Park Zoo and I finally got to meet my friends, Elis and Adam. I've been friends with Elis online for about...10 years and Adam (her husband) for about 8 years. We've tried to make arrangements to meet in the past and things have always fallen through, so I was pretty much beyond excited that this came through. It's a bit surreal to meet someone in person that you've known for such a long time, because I think there's a certain sense of expectation in the whole deal--how to act, what to say, etc. etc. We had a lot of fun though, touring the zoo and then walking around by Lake Michigan in this miserable heatwave that has hit Chicago. I was pretty unpleasantly surprised to step out of Midway and feel like I was back in Baton Rouge.
We only got a few hours with Elis and Adam, because everyone's schedules were tight but I'm really hoping I can come visit with them again. Or vice versa. Eventually they dropped us off (by this time, we'd also met up with Ravi's friend, Jeremy) at The Chicago Diner. I met back up with Erin and we had a drink at a local pub, before coming home to pass out.
Yesterday was The Art Institute (where I got some great postcards to frame), Exchequer Pub for deep dish pizza and then onto the festival for Broken Social Scene and Modest Mouse. I've never had a chance to see BSS live. It was a pretty great show, though I think I'd rather see them at a club if I ever got to do it again. But they played "Superconnected," "7/4 (Shoreline)," and "Fire Eye'd Boy" so I was happy. Modest Mouse kind of sucked, except when they played "Dashboard." I've never been a huge MM fan anyway and their disjointed, drunken-sounding set didn't do much to improve that opinion.
After the show, we went to Monk's Pub and met up with Erin. Monk's had a decent beer selection, but half the beers we wanted weren't actually available and I'm pretty sure the bartender was drunk. She charged all of our tabs incorrectly, checked on us maybe twice for the 2 hours we were there and fucked up Erin's beer when she poured it (note: holding the bottle above the glass and turning the bottle upside down is not how one pours a beer). But, I had some good beer (Urthel Hop-It and Goose Island Matilda) and got a good buzz.
I didn't buy tickets for the festival today, because I wanted to hang out with Erin. We had breakfast at Red Hen Bread, then walked to the farmer's market, stopping along the way at a thrift store to buy a shirt (me) and some jeans and dresses (Erin). We picked up some blueberries, walked home, siesta'd, then went to Threadless (I bought this), Reckless Records (where I got Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over the Sea, The Pixies Surfer Rosa, 2 Simon and Garfunkel albums and a Temptations' Greatest Hits compilation), and Binny's for beer and liquor that I can't get in BR. Later tonight, we're going see The Kids Are All Right at an indie theater, eat some Moroccan food and probably drink some beer. And possibly bemoan the amount of money spent and calories consumed since I've been here, but probably not because it's been worth it to me to have a good time and get some things that make me happy (and, in the case of the art, clothing and records, things that will continue to make me happy). Plus, we've done a lot of walking.
Tomorrow is more festival, with Pavement, Big Boi, St. Vincent and a few other groups that I may end up seeing. Also, brunch with another friend from BR. We fly out Monday evening, then it's back to the moving/working/searching for a job/breaking up/oh my god when will Tulane give me some funding?!/saying hello/goodbye grind. Which is also kind of fun.
Oh! This week's word is: Peregrinate- verb (archaic)- travel or wander around from place to place.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)