Sunday, July 25, 2010

so why don't you kill me?

As I've alluded to before, I am deeply suspicious and uncomfortable around most "new" people or anyone I am expecting not to like me. I generally approach these people with a kind of false jittery confidence that ends up making me feel like I'm being fake, something I'm sure they see and, subsequently, think I AM fake. Or silly or stupid or just plain unlikable.

I've mostly learned to ignore this around Ravi's friends (though I still experience it and if you're being nice to me, I am both appreciating it and questioning if you feel obligated. I'm sorry. I don't think you're underhanded, group of Ravi's friends!) but lately I've been meeting other people, without that "Ravi's girlfriend" safety barrier and, even though they're nice to me and even seem to want to hang out!!!, I still can't shake that whole, "you're pushing too hard, you sound stupid, these people don't really like you; they're just being nice" thing. This feels like high school all over again. I have no idea how to deal with it.

1 comment:

  1. oh mandi. you should see me around my new co-workers. i'm sure they think i'm a deaf-mute unless i'm waiting tables, and totally lame all around. i'm trying real hard not to care!

    been working lots of night-then-mornings, sorry i haven't gotten back to your gmail chats!