Thursday, December 13, 2012

controlled love

"Which brings us to love. According to Sean Penn, he is a victim of love:

'There is no shame in my saying that we all want to be loved by someone. As I look back over my life in romance, I don't feel I've ever had that. I have been the only one that was unaware of the fraud in a few of these circumstances blindly. When you get divorced, all the truths that come out, you sit there and you go, What the fuck was I doing? What was I doing believing that this person was invested in this way? Which is a fantastically strong humiliation in the best sense. It can make somebody very bitter and very hard and closed off, but I find it does the opposite to me.'

He is presumably referring to Robin Wright. And if you take him at his word, he was deceived into believing that she truly loved him, that she was fully engaged in their relationship. Evidently, according to his version of events, he was there, he was in it, he was the fool, he fell for her “fraud”, and in the end, he was blindsided by her general, overall lacking (noun). In the end, he finds her to have been lacking in love.

Replace Robin Wright with Katie Holmes and Sean Penn with Tom Cruise and it’s the same situation: megalomania.

Isn’t it always the ultimate narcissistic who believes that he did all the giving and was never properly compensated? And the one who holds you emotionally hostage during the relationship with all of his needing to be loved? If you’ve ever been in this position, you know, it’s intensely manipulative, and sometimes frighteningly so. This is a form of control under the guise of need. He uses his need as power; his need makes him RIGHT, and therefore the person who’s depriving him is WRONG, and he’ll f-cking lord that over her for as long as possible."
 (from this Lainey Gossip piece)

Here are two old post from abusive ex:
"At the beginning of my emotional valley, you counselled others to leave me alone, even though I obviously wanted human interaction. I find it hard to believe that you thought I wanted solitude, when almost the entire union of our existences had been about sharing space with others. But I gave you the benefit of the doubt, thinking that you must have had my interests at heart, though you were misguided.

Toward the depths of that valley, I reached out to you. Much like I did the day in my youth when I nearly drowned at the water park. A hand, outstretched, grasping at anything to help keep me afloat. But the outcomes were totally different. On that summer day my hand found a raft, steered there by an unknown kid I will forever be grateful to. When I reached out to you, you told me a raft was coming... but none materialized. For two weeks, I waited expectantly for any signs, and found none.

I didn't think it was that big of a request... a couple of hours once a week. Something to break up the monotony of living alone, being alone. I have pretty much reconciled myself to never finding out what happened and why. Two weeks later, when you approached me as though nothing had happened, I was dumbstruck. I really couldn't believe that you would ignore me, ignore my plea, ignore your agreement, but then act as though nothing had happened. I will admit that I did not handle that night very well... Then again, there have been entire years you have ignored me, since.

A number of months later, I saw you reach out. You were in a similar situation, or at least you seemed to be reaching from the same place I reached. So I imagine that you know how I felt. I sincerely hope that the respondents to your call did not ignore you.

It is a terrible feeling.

I have been counselled to forgive you, but I cannot let this go yet. Not without an apology and some acknowledgement. And maybe some time on top of that. This cut too deep."

"I have some pretty high standards when it comes to those around me. Part of that comes from how selfless I can be, myself. So when someone I respect violates those standards, I feel hurt. My natural reaction is to remove that person from the position where they could hurt me. So I shove away many people because of mistakes, oversights, or just plain not caring about me as much as I'd hope they would.

This leads to a lonely existence, but one where the few interactions I have are rich and full. However, it cannot lead to a sense of camaraderie which, almost by definition, includes many others."

Ugh, I need a shower.


  1. I really enjoyed this train of thought. I was in the same situation with N. back in high school, and several afterwards to a lesser degree.

    Makes me sick to read " selfless I can be..." in this context.

  2. Your ex sounds like a douchey manboob.

  3. "How selfless I can be.. when I throw you down a flight of stairs."

    "I feel hurt...when you cry and tell me I'm an asshole because I told you that you were neurotic for thinking it was wrong of me to cheat on you with three different women in one weekend."

    "This leads to a lonely existence...because I seem to have a problem not physically and mentally abusing women."