dialogue

Me: just kind of having a generally bad day, body image wise
I threw up my lunch
Steven: Why, is no good
Me: just feeling gross
I just feel really fucking unattractive sometimes
and then my friends are all "oh you're beautiful!"
but then...they make fat jokes about people. or ___ will comment about how skinny his girlfriend used to be and how she's fat now, and ugly
and things people say about other women stick in my head
like when you said E had put on weight when you guys were dating and you weren't attracted to her
dudes make those kind of offhand comments all the time. so do women.
and that shit sticks in my head and every time I feel self-conscious about my weight, that's what comes to the forefront so even when people are like 'no, you look great!" it sounds hollow.
Steven: Not everyone is attracted to the same things. It doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks. Tree only person who does is the palm you're with
Me: no, that's not quite true. the only person it should matter to should be me.
Steven: Not trying to imply you were
Me: but that's not really how it works in practice
Steven: That's too Sunday morning special for me
Me: it bothers me that those kind of offhand comments get to me like they do
at the same time, it bothers me that they're made.
that I make them myself.