we don't care about our own faults

I have had an exceptionally good weekend.

On Friday, Christie, Ross and Peter came into town. We had poboys at Parkway, where I'd never been. Ate a delicious but regrettable roast beef poboy (I know better than to eat that much red meat. Ugh.). Being around Bayou St. John always makes me a little nostalgic, because when Ravi and I first started dating, we went to Voodoo Fest together. We stayed in a church with a friend who was working there for Americorps and we'd cross the bayou everyday when we walked to and from City Park. That weekend has always been one of my favorite memories of Ravi (we also saw Smashing Pumpkins that weekend, a teenage favorite of both of ours that added to the idyllic situation).

After Parkway, we briefly went to Cooter Brown's for some pool and ended up at Snake and Jake's. I was incredibly tired, having been up since 6 that morning and I don't remember much about being there except that I was hurting myself in an effort to stay awake and talk to people. I'd dig my fingernails into my upper arms, bite on my fingers, scratch at my wrists...thank god Snake's is as dark as it is, because I probably looked like I was having some kind of psychotic fit. We finally left and sat around listening to Two Gallants, drinking tea and talking on my porch (because of course I got a second wind).

The next morning, Christie and I hung out at Z'otz while the dudes went to watched soccer at Finn McCool's. We wandered over to Maple St. for some Thai food and a visit to the Maple St. Patisserie. I spent part of that day texting my teacher, who has no concept of appropriate behavior. He assigned a book to us without buying it himself. He asked if he could borrow my copy and then, after a failed attempt at meeting up, he asked if I could bring it to his house. Apparently he lives quite close to me. While I was negotiating this, Christie and I walked back to my place to meet up with the guys. Everyone left and I walked back over to Z'otz to do some schoolwork. On the way there, as I crossed Spruce St. (of COURSE it was Spruce St. Teacher lives on Spruce too. I might make a blog tag for Spruce St.), a peacock emerged from a yard and strutted down the sidewalk. I followed it for two blocks until it reached Hickory and took a right. Then I called the police to inform them of wild, wandering peacocks. Around 10:30, Ross called to ask me if I could go pick up his debit card that he'd left at Snake's. I did and walked home down Lowerline, singing Emily Jane White songs and dancing along the sidewalk in front of the Carrollton graveyard.

Sunday was an excellent lunch at Theo's with Alyson and Cain, followed by Pinkberry after a failed attempt to get drinks at St. Joe's (because in our boozy quest, we kind of forgot it was 3pm on a Sunday). When I got home, Shelby was rewiring the lights on our front porches and hanging some lanterns we bought at a yard sale awhile back. I helped him with that (and learned how to rewire a light and met our neighborhood drunkard), then we decided to have a dinner party. Because I live with teh gays, nothing can ever be simple. I came home from Rouses to find that they'd put the upstairs neighbor's dining room table in the driveway, covered it with tablecloth, china, candles and flowers and had a lamp overlooking the whole shebang. We had dinner of lemon chicken, filet mignon, rice and broth, salad and a dessert of chocolate dipped strawberries, while Dave Brubeck blasted from Taylor's speakers (through his open window, which his friend's cat escaped from and caused a brief interruption while we all tried to coax the cat into not jumping off the roof).

I had Memorial Day off. I started it by walking over to my professor's house to furtively drop that book on his porch. That whole situation cracks me up and made me think of B's old jokes that I was fucking the professor. People are totally going to think so if shit like this keeps happening. Amusingly, prof. seems to have no understanding that it would be considered strange in most circles to ask a student to come by your house to drop off a book you assigned because you couldn't be bothered to purchase said book. After that, I went back to the grocery and then spent most of the day in the kitchen, baking wheat bread, banana/cherry/almond/bourbon bread, cooking up some chicken sloppy joe mix, making an incredible potato salad (I subbed in spring peas for the sugar snaps and asparagus and green onions for spring onions), and soaking the remaining dried cherries in some leftover vodka I had (we'll see how that turns out). My friend Mike, who has been in the Marines for 4 years, called to ask if I wanted to go out that night. We ended up back at Cooter Brown's and I made the mistake of drinking 4 beers...3 of which were Andygator. We closed down the bar and then I came home and apparently did a bunch of stuff, including slicing that loaf of wheat bread and slicing my finger open in the process. I must have been too drunk to realize it, because I went to sleep with my bloody hand and woke up with blood all over. Also, with an intense hangover that didn't let up until well into the afternoon. At one point, I texted Blair to tell him what an exemplary employee I was, after I fell asleep at my desk. hoo boy.

Goals: Finish thesis proposal. Hang chandelier that Shelby gave me. Pay off credit cards. Don't eat out in June. Look into new bed set. Rearrange dining room to accommodate shelves that someone randomly left on Shelby's porch. Make curtains. Make A's this summer. Have more fantastic weekends.

false apathy

(from a friend who works as a DJ at a shitty shitty club)

Travis: 40 year old women line dancing to kesha
kill me
whole bottle of xanax couldn't cure this

me: hahahhhahaahaha
find the humor in this
the empty sad humor

Travis: one day i will write a book
and it will be called Even Alcohol Can't Make Me not Hate People
alternate title
Why I Started Shooting Smack: The Travis L. story
first sentence
"When I was a kid, I thought heroin was the last thing I'd ever do, but I've come to realize it's the only thing that prevents me from detonating all the bombs I've been building in my basement in misanthropic hypomania."

Sometimes I'm reminded of how awesome the people in my life are and it's pretty hard to get down when you've got an iron clad support network. Over the last few days, I brought Blair to the airport so he can spend 2 months in France, moved most of his belongings out of his apartment, cleaned it, got a migraine, locked my keys in my car, had my phone die. But I also have an amazing boyfriend who has gone through great pains to make sure he can talk to me everyday, who tells me I'm beautiful and assures me of his adoration and respect. I have, in Christie, this wonderful friend who gives me free reign of her apartment, who doesn't make any demands of me and is willing to let me borrow her car and veg out on her couch and kvetch and then says we should go get sandwiches and coffee. I have friends who will call and invite me to hang out, friends who will help me try and break into my car and laugh at me when I rip the weather sealing open with a coat hanger. Parents who will drive across town to unlock my car when I call them and tell them I don't have enough money in my checking account to call Popalock. Friends who will drive over to bring me their phone chargers because mine is in my locked car, friends who will help me get my boyfriend's phone to him across the Atlantic. Friends who will apologize after being kind of jerky and offer to buy you dinner because they've upset you. Having people like that in my life makes me want to be as good to them as they are to me. After I'd moved Blair's stuff, cleaned his kitchen and vacuumed, I was scrubbing black marks off the wall with a magic eraser and my head was throbbing. I laid on the floor, my arm over my eyes, and thought about how much this sucked. Then I thought about how stressed Blair had been over trying to finish finals, get ready for France and move out, how much harder this would have been for him and I felt grateful that I was able to do him this kindness, that I could do something good for someone I love. So I got up and scrubbed some more before stumbling blearily downstairs, driving to Christie's and locking my keys in my car.

So despite my boyfriend being 5000 miles away, having about $20 in my checking account and a mountain of schoolwork, I'm happy. I'm going to try and start this Insanity workout tonight, making some chicken broth and bake a loaf of bread. I've been working on a meal plan to eat better in general, based on food pyramid guidelines. I'm working on thesis stuff. I'm working on not being stagnant.

still the same

me: i've spent all morning listening to bob seger on youtube
last night, in conversation, I brought up new additions to the scrabble dictionary and quoted the book of deuteronomy within 5 minutes
I am everyone's lamest friend.
Erin: you're the wonder killer

everyone's a winner

STRAIGHT. A'S.

this is especially wonderful after the grueling 30 page paper I did for my independent study that comprises the basis of my thesis research.

CURRENTLY FEELING FANTASTIC.

101 in 1001- March/April update

I'm way behind on my updates, due to a pretty insane school schedule this past semester. Hopefully I'll be back on track for May.

18) Read 10 books from the Bloom Canon.
3) Mark Twain A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court April '11)
I've read much less Twain than I should have. Oh sure, I've read excerpts from Huck Finn, but the only Twain book I'd read in its entirety before this was The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Connecticut Yankee was absolutely terrific--funny, biting and deadly serious at turns.

19) Read 1 unassigned book per month.
March '11-Terry Moore Strangers in Paradise, Vol. 2
April '11- Milan Kundera Slowness

I actually didn't finish reading SiP2 until mid-April and I've barely begun Slowness, but I'll be playing catch up this month!

24) Learn 1 new word a week.
Ruth- pity or compassion
Metalepsis- a figure of speech in which one thing is referred to by something else which is only remotely associated with it
Pellucid- clear in meaning, expression, or style
Gravamen- the part of an accusation that weighs most heavily against the accused; the substantial part of a charge or complaint
Aphanisis- denotes the disappearance of sexual desire
Jouissance- (French) denotes "pleasure" or "enjoyment."
The term has a sexual connotation (i.e., orgasm) lacking in the English word "enjoyment"
Abnegation- to refuse or deny oneself
Hale- free from disease or infirmity; robust; vigorous
Obdurate- unmoved by persuasion, pity, or tender feelings

26) Take all my medication exactly as directed for 2 months. (April '11)
This one was helped immensely by the fact that the amount of medication I have to take was drastically reduced (no more twice-daily injections! No more 2000 mg of pills!) but I still want to include it because thinking about this goal has helped me to remember to take things like my birth control (a good reminder when one is driving between cities every weekend and putting oneself in the line of pregnancy fire [yeah, I went there]).

31) Have a slumber party. (March 2011)
Over the Mardi Gras holiday, Christie, Ross, Blair, Peter and Eddie all stayed at my house. We stayed out 'til all hours of the night, ate noodles at 4am, slept in, ate Bud's on Mardi Gras day and took naps on the floor together. I think that counts as a sleepover. :D

85) Attend at least 1 music festival a year.
2011- Festival International (April 2011)

88) Go to all the major Mardi Gras parades.
Endymion (Mar. '11)
Thoth (Mar. '11)
Bacchus (Mar. '11)

94) Visit family graves once a year.
2010 (April '11)
(*reminder- I'm catagorizing a year here from July-July but "2010" is an easier designation)

96) Attend 10 cultural events
1) No Exit (from the Zombie Apocalypse)
2) Macbeth
I'm amending this entry because I realized I forgot to put No Exit when it happened back in December.

full list here

academic agency

Yesterday, I turned in an ethics paper on liberty, pornography, and female agency entitled "Give Me Liberty, Give Me Porn!" In it, I brought up a discussion of mainstream BDSM. I think I've outed myself as the freak of the MLA department. Truly a high point in my academic career.

ETA: He gave me an A on it, which means I currently have straight A's. Just have to get an A in indie study now!